Intimacy without sex

As a teenager you have no doubt experienced some of the hormones and desires for physical contact and intimacy. Most teens have a desire for an intimate connection with someone. In addition to the sex drive, there is that need to fit in and be loved and accepted, flaws and all, by someone. Many teens turn to sex to find this intimacy with someone, as it is a very intimate act. However, sex is a huge decision, and not something you can ever go back and undo once you have done it. So, a better option for someone who is looking for intimacy, is to find it without sex. The following are some great tips for how to get intimacy without sex:

Spend time together. Being physically close to one another on a regular basis can help inspire intimacy. If you spend enough time together you start to share secrets, camaraderie, etc. So, when you have free time, spend it together, getting to know each other better.

Do things that are not going to be normal interactions of strangers. For example, give each other massages, cuddle during a movie, leave affectionate notes in each other’s cars, lockers, etc. The more familiar your actions, the more intimate your connection will become.

Enjoy the level of physicality you are comfortable with. If you are not engaging in sex, that does not mean you can’t enjoy a good make-out on occasion. Even if you are keeping your hands to yourself, and not fondling one another does not mean you can’t kiss, hold hands, hug, etc. Those steamy make-outs can go a long way in providing an intimacy without sex, just be careful not to let them go too far.

One of the best things you can do for your relationship is not let it get stale. When you first start dating you have the excitement of that first hand holding, the butterflies, the wondering, and the joy. If after a few weeks or months you no longer hold hands in the car, it is time to change that. Hold hands and never neglect to kiss each other goodbye. Sometimes the simple interactions of affection bring you far closer than intercourse. So, keep the simple things alive.

Be emotionally intimate if you are avoiding physical intimacy. Pay attention to them, their thoughts, feelings, needs, likes, dislikes. Write notes to each other. Get mushy sometimes. Surprise them with thoughtful gifts or activities. Plan things. Share with one another. Talk to them about your fears, concerns, dreams, and goals. Listen when they talk to you about theirs.

It is very possible to achieve an intimate connection and relationship with someone without the intimacy of sex. In fact, it is a much better option for teens to achieve intimacy this way so that they do not risk unwanted consequences like pregnancy, etc.

How to talk to your parents about sex

As a teenager, talking to your parents about sex can be difficult. It is especially difficult if you are trying to let them know that you are sexually active, or that you want to be. Avoiding the talk is not wise, so read the following to learn how to talk to your parents about sex.

First, it is good to know why you should talk to your parents about sex:

The first reason you should talk to your parents about sex is that out of everyone in the world, they care about you and have your best interest in heart, and are not going to pressure you to have sex to fit in or to be someone or something you are not.

The second reason you should talk to your parents about sex is that the national statistic shows that teens who talk to their parents about sex are less likely to encounter the risks such as unwanted pregnancy, STDs etc. If you talk to your parents about sex they will likely help you find the right contraception or protection so that your risks are minimized. They will help you to get tested and take precautions with your choice of partners, etc.

Lastly, parents have experience in this area, otherwise you would not exist, so they often know a lot about birth control options, treatment for sex, and even mending a broken heart.

As you can see, talking to your parents about sex has a lot of pros, but that does not make it easy. Try these tips:

1. Talk to them one at a time. Choose the parent you feel most comfortable talking to, and then talk to them alone. It makes the conversation feel more private, and it can help you feel less ganged up on.

2. Let your parent know you are uncomfortable. Sometimes just saying “Hey Dad, this is not something that is easy or comfortable for me to talk to you about, but I want to ask you something” can really help your dad understand how important it is to you, and that you are serious. It also lets them know you are not looking for an argument or a shocker, but to discuss sex in a mature, adult way.

3. Timing is key to any awkward discussion, especially the sex talk, so make sure you do not pop this on them when the timing is bad. If your parent is under a stressful deadline at work, or is cleaning up a disaster in the kitchen, or is planning a funeral for a relative, it is not likely the best time to discuss sex with them. Instead, wait until you are both at home, relaxed, and comfortable.

4. Have a plan. You won’t get a lot of response from your parents, at least not the response you want if you simply say, “I want to talk to you about sex.” Most parents will nub it in the bud with a, “you aren’t having it until you are married.” So, instead, you can say, “I am curious about how you decide if you are ready for sex.” Or, “I am thinking about having sex, what do you think I should consider before I make that decision.” Be as general or specific as you want, but let them know where you stand, and what you want to know.

5. Show respect. Sometimes a parent will teach their child certain morals and values, and it can be a slap in the face for that child to let the parent know they are sexually active, or are considering it. So, be sensitive to how your questions and revelations can affect your parents. Be respectful. Say, “I know you taught me otherwise, but I lost my virginity, and would like to have someone to talk to.” This lets them know that they are still important.