How can I slow things down without ruining the relationship?

boyfriend and girlfriend relationshipWhen you are in a relationship that is moving too fast, you may be wondering what you can do about it and still preserve the relationship. Now you can get the view from the guy’s perspective.

Question: How can I slow things down without ruining the relationship?

Answer:  Umm, as bad as it sounds, you pretty much can’t. Most guys that are teens want some. That is the main driving purpose behind any relationship, and one of the only reasons they would tie themselves down to one girl. So, chances are, if you are uncomfortable and try to slow things down, he will dump you and find someone that isn’t. But that is not a bad thing. In fact, it is really good for you.

However, this is not true for all relationships. So, if he really likes you, and is not just in it because he likes you and wants to get some, then the only thing you really can do is talk to him about things.

Tell him you like him, like the relationship, and do not want to ruin things, but that you are moving too fast physically and you need to slow things down. Then just judge his reaction. If he is cool with it, he will say so, and you will see him make efforts, like not watching movies together because that is when he wants to do more. He will plan things that are easier for him to resist temptation while doing. Not ruining the relationship is up to him, not you. The truth is, it really depends on his intentions and true motivations. It will be easy to slow things down without ruining the relationship if he really likes you for you, and his motivation for the relationship is not the physical side of things.

But, if he acts irritated, or gets ornery, or keeps trying, then even though he likes you, you need to realize that the foundation for your relationship is weak, and it won’t likely go anywhere because he is mad about not getting some. So, that is when you need to stop caring about ruining the relationship and dump the guy. He can like you for you, and still be dating you to get some. So, do not look at it as an insult, realize that you are attractive and cool enough that he would single you out, but that you do not want to move that fast, and if he is unwilling to stop, he is the one with the problem, not you.

If you don’t dump the guy, he will keep trying things, and you will be uncomfortable and do things you regret, and he will break up with you after he gets what he wants anyway. So, while it sucks, it is true. Most teenage guys do not have long term thoughts when it comes to girls. They may really enjoy your friendship, and like spending time with you, but when they commit to an exclusive relationship it is because they want some and don’t want other guys to have what they are getting.

Quit thinking you are the exception.
The most truthful answer to the question of how to slow things down without the relationship being ruined is simply you can’t. This is not just because of the guy though. If you want to regress, it is going to be hard on both of you to go from doing something to not doing it, it is easy to slip back into old habits, and this is trouble. So, break up. Do not try to salvage things. If it is meant to happen you will get back together and can start over physically.