Your virginity and your body are yours. They are very personal, and you have every right to give or withhold based on what you want, not on what someone else wants. However, sometimes as a teen in a relationship, it can be difficult to say “no” to your significant other when they want and are ready for sex and you aren’t. The following are some things to consider:
Even though you know that a good relationship requires communication, it can be difficult to communicate about sex. You do not want to disappoint, or threaten someone. You do not want them to stop liking you because you are really conservative, inexperienced, or nervous when it comes to sex. For some reason, as a whole, teens seem to think that the more they act like they know everything about sex, the more accepted they will be. However, you can’t tell your significant other “no” if you do not communicate your feelings with them. You will be sending mixed signals that will be sure to end the relationship if you act like you want it, then deny them. So, rather than letting your fear of how they will take it mess up your relationship, you mess it up yourself.
So, talk to them. Tell them how you feel, and if you do not want to go into details, a simple, “I am not ready, and I am not sure when I will be” should suffice. The fact is you don’t really need to tell anyone why you don’t want to have sex, just that you don’t. Be clear though. You can’t say you don’t then jump on them for a long make-out session that gets them hot and ready.
Even though you know that loving someone doesn’t just give them permission for sex, and that someone who uses that against you is not worth it, that does not make it easy to move on. If your significant other is telling you that you will have sex with them if you really love them, a red flag should go up.
If they put conditions on you, or your love, and those conditions involve sex, there is a good chance that things won’t work out in the long run. However, knowing this and doing something about it can be two very different things. As a teenager, you want to have those relationships, that person to rely on, to hang out with, to get comfort from. So, sometimes it feels like the price (sex) is worth the payoff (the companionship). A good tip to help you combat this and still say no is to say, “If you love me you will wait until I am ready.” This will put the ball back in their court, and will show that that your love for them does not determine when you are ready for sex. You don’t have to explain. If they can’t handle it, then there is no denying it, you need to move on. This gives them an out, and gives you a viable excuse for their raging hormones. But, if they fail the test, you have to get used to being alone for a while.