Why being just friends is almost never enough

In the ideal world, if you were just friends with someone, you would never want more from the relationship, but such is not the case. It seems that being just friends is almost never enough, and here is why:
•    Chemistry. Let’s face it, we have natural inclinations to be attracted to and drawn to members of the opposite sex. This may be why you initially became just friends in the first place. However, the longer you are friends, the more nature takes over. The hormones you have, the feelings, etc. will lead you to want more than just a friendship. Even if the attraction is not physical, you start to have a larger attraction.
•    Time. When you spend a lot of time with someone, which is what happens when you are just friends with someone, then you start to really get to know them, and they start to really get to know you. It is totally normal to want a deeper, more meaningful relationship with someone when they know your inner workings, your secrets, your strengths, your fears, your insecurities etc. So, almost by default, as your friendship grows, so will your desire to be more than just friends. And who can help it?
•    Appreciation. You want to be with someone who appreciates you for you. And, when you are friends with someone of the opposite gender, you show your true side, not some masqueraded side that you put on when you are around someone you like. Your guard is down, and they get insight into who you really are. While this makes you vulnerable, it also makes you comfortable. If they like you back, you know it is because of who you are, not because of some show you put on to impress them.
•    Fun. For most, a relationship is something they would like to be in, and the logical side of them says that they have more fun with this guy that they are just friends with, so why not have them as their boyfriend. They are more fun than anyone else, plus you get all of the above mentioned benefits.
•    Companionship. You can’t kiss, cuddle, or hold hands with guys that are just your friends, and let’s face it, sometimes we just want someone to lay under the blanket with and watch the show. However, when you start doing this with your just friends guy friend, you can’t help but start feeling more for them. It is hormones, but those hormones lead to other feelings, and pretty soon you start to realize that dating someone who is such a good friend could be great because it takes you companionship to the next level.
•    The risk. People like taking risks, and you can’t help but wonder if he does, or could, like you as more than a friend. So, while you know that a more serious relationship than a friendship could potentially ruin the friendship, it is almost the excitement of it. You push limits, and you go for him because you have established that you are just friends, and thus he is off limits, which makes him more attractive.
•    Not everyone is honest. Often times being just friends is not going to be enough because initially one of the two of you wanted more than that. When more than that is not an option initially, being just friends is the next best thing. So, instead of being honest, they or you, get into a relationship where you will always want more.  You can’t fool yourself into thinking just friends is enough when it wasn’t at first.

Being “just friends” with the opposite sex

Having friends that are of the opposite sex is tons of fun. The problem is, most people can’t be just friends. Opposite sex friendships without any chemistry are called platonic friendships. Such friendships are just as or even more rewarding than same sex friendships. So, how come most people can’t do them? Well, they can also cause jealousy and other problems in your current or future romantic relationships. So, how do you avoid this? You set boundaries for the friendship from the start. The following are some boundaries that will help you stay “just friends” and keep things from being too problematic later.

  1. Before you try to be just friends, make sure that you want to be just friends with this person. If your friendship is really great, are you going to want more? Will they? Be honest with yourself and your friend, if you aren’t, your friendship won’t last long. They should be honest with you too. So, put your egos aside, address why you both want to be just friends. Be aware that there is a point in every opposite sex friendship that you question whether or not you should be more. So, to make your friendship work, address it early on. Both of you must want a strictly platonic friendship and be sure that is all you will ever want. You then can make sure you both understand that’s all it will ever be.
  2. Don’t believe all the hype. No matter what anyone says, it is possible to be just friends as long as you have that understanding from the start, and follow some simple rules.
  3. The first rule is to never be too touchy feely with your friend, especially if you’re in a romantic relationship with someone else. Being too physical can create feelings that aren’t supposed to be there. So, limit hugs and physical contact to the same amount you share with your same sex friends. If you find you have a real need to hug and touch them more, then maybe you’re not just friends, and you should reevaluate your relationship.
  4. Make sure you do not do anything that could be considered a date! Having a night out together is fine, but don’t date your friend or bring them into social scenarios where everyone else has a date. So in other words, don’t go to dances, etc.. That is called dating, not friendship. You wouldn’t ask a same sex friend to accompany you to the dance, a wedding, etc., so don’t ask your opposite sex friend!
  5. Don’t try to restrain natural gender interaction and dynamics. Accept that some flirting is normal. It’s called teasing! You tease your same sex friends, but this is still going to be different. You have to remember that you are members of the opposite sex and the dynamics will be different than if you were the same sex. However, you can check the kind of flirting you do. Flirting should never be sexual or romantic in any way.
  6. If you’re in a relationship or become involved in one, your platonic friendship could get in the way some, so you have to give it time. Your boyfriend will feel threatened especially if they don’t believe platonic friendships are possible. Don’t hide the friendship, but don’t fuel any jealousy either by excessive one-on-one time with your friend or talking about your friend endlessly. Spend time together with both of them, but give your boyfriend more attention.
  7. Big rule: If you’re not in a relationship and feeling lonely, never turn to your opposite sex friend for physical comfort. It doesn’t matter if you’ll still be friends in the morning. Platonic friends do not engage in anything physical ever, that makes it not platonic.
  8. In any friendship, the dynamics change over time. An acquaintance you don’t really care for all that much today might be your best friend a year from now. It’s possible you and your friend will develop deeper feelings after a long, platonic friendship, so be open to that, but not expecting it. You just have to be honest on both sides.