What can I do when he dumps me and won’t say why?

sad teenIf he dumps you without an explanation, what do you do? Girls need answers, and not understanding what caused the break up can be really hard on you. So, find out what other guys recommend.

Question: What can I do when he dumps me and won’t say why?

Honestly, if he is not talking to you, especially if he won’t talk to you about it, you might as well just move on and avoid future troubles.  There are many guys out there that are nicer than that. But, we all know girls won’t take “nothing” for an answer.

If he won’t tell you why, it is probably because he did something wrong. He cheated, he likes someone else more, or he just does not want to be in a relationship. Most guys will tell you if it is you. They are breaking up with you, so they will tell you why if it is something in your control. So, the first thing to know is that it probably is not you, unless it is something he would be embarrassed to tell you because it makes him look shallow etc. Like your armpit hair or lip hair turned him off. Or, he may have dumped you because he was worried you were going to dump him, and wanted to do it first so he does not look stupid. So, if at all possible, just take he did something he is embarrassed about as your answer and move on.

If you can’t take that as an answer, and if he dumps you and won’t say why, do not ask, call him, email him, or make a big fuss. If he did not tell you then, he won’t tell you now, and he might even just make something stupid up to get you off his back. Asking over and over is a bad idea. It will make you look really desperate, and it will reinforce his reasoning. So, instead, just get one of your friends to talk to one of his. Or at least put your feelers out. He told someone why he dumped you. So, instead of trying to hear it from him, just listen and keep your ears open, someone will talk about it, and if you do not make a big scene about wanting to know why, someone will talk about it in front of you. You will hear third party, but at least you will know.

You can also just watch what he does. If he immediately hooks up with another girl, then that is probably why he dumped you. Or, he was insecure that you were going to dump him, he will probably try to get back together with you if you do not get with someone right away.

When he won’t tell you why he dumped you, your options are limited. However, you will feel better about yourself, and about the situation if you can rid yourself of the desire to know why. Just move on, have fun, and get in a new, better relationship in time, and you will forget all about him and his stupid lack of a reason for breaking up with you.

Some guys do not have a good reason, so they just opt not to give one. That is their prerogative, and you will have to live with it. So, if it is eating at you, discretely ask around, but if it is not bugging you too bad, just move on.

What to do when a guy breaks your heart

It does not matter if it is your first love, or your thirty-first, heartbreak is heartbreak. When a guy breaks your heart, there are natural tendencies, useful things to do, and complete wastes of time. So, what should you do when a guy breaks your heart? Try some of these, many girls in your same situation have found that it helps to.

  1. Write it out. Do you have a diary? A journal? Heartbreak is terribly hard thing to go through, and not much fun. It can be confusing. The best way to sort your feelings, and get them out of your head, and hopefully heart, is to write it out. Spend a few minutes, or hours if necessary getting your feelings out on paper.
  2. Remind yourself about what things bugged you. No guy is perfect, but when he breaks your heart it is hard to see them as anything else, you miss them, you want them, and you don’t care if they are a bad kisser, they hurt you. So, to move on, and heal your heart, you need to remember the things you disliked. This is not a bash session, or a time to lie to yourself and say he was never good enough for you (although chances are he wasn’t), it is time to say that even though he broke your heart, there were things about him you disliked. His hair style? His car? The way he danced? The way he ate? Find something.
  3. Go out for ice cream. Comfort food is comforting. So indulge in that double chocolate ice cream with fudge swirls and chocolate sprinkles and chips. Give yourself time to indulge your cravings. Mourn while you eat, and when your ice cream is gone, it is time to stop mourning. (So, if you need to mourn for a while, you better get a big dish of ice cream.)
  4. Give it time, but don’t wait around. We all have heard that hearts take time to heal, but sometimes time can be your enemy when your heart gets broken. You have to learn to let your heart have time, but to also get back up on the horse right away. So, start dating again. Call the guy you thought about occasionally while dating Mr. Heartbreak. Don’t rush into a rebound relationship, but don’t sit at home on weekends either. You do not have a guy in mind? Get dressed up, get your nails done, and go to the mall, the club, the beach, wherever you go to meet new guys. Remember, you are appealing, and even with a broken heart, he should go for you!
  5. Stop talking to them. This is not childish, it is smart. If a guy breaks your heart, then talking to them, seeing them around with a new girl, and hearing about their happy life is just going to make you insecure and make it harder to move on. So, be the one he hears about instead of trying to find out how he is, what he is doing, etc. And, if he calls, let him know you are moving on, and that you don’t want to have contact, at least for now.
  6. Get a make over. Sometimes the best thing to do when someone breaks your heart is become a new person with a new heart. You can’t just let things go, but sometimes a clean slate is always best. So, buy some new clothes, get a new cut and color, and indulge yourself some. A makeover can do wonders for healing a broken heart. It can give you a fresh view on life, and a new found confidence in your ability to break hearts instead of have yours broken.

Lose the user, what to do when a guy is using you

If a guy is using you, it is time to lose him fast. No one should ever stick with a user, no matter how hot, cool, popular, or awesome he is. So, let’s take a look at how to recognize that you are being used, then how to lose the user.

How to recognize you are being used:

  1. No one knows you are together except you two, and maybe people you told.
  2. He is always pushing you for more physical than you are comfortable with.
  3. He does not call much, you talk mostly via text or instant messenger.
  4. You do not go on real dates.
  5. You do not hold hands, or even acknowledge each other much in public.

If any of these things are happening to you, then chances are you are being used. This is his way of having some fun, but keeping himself open for more girls and more options. You do not want to be this person. YOU ARE TOO IMPORTANT. You are not using him back, you like him, don’t lie to yourself. So, how do you lose the user? Try the following:

  • Confront him. The best way to lose a user is to call them out on it. No one likes getting caught. So, as hard as it is, say, “I want you to stop using me. We can be friends, or we can date, but no more in between, just physical, etc.” You decide what is acceptable to you and tell them that is all you are okay with if you are going to have any kind of relationship with them.
  • Give an ultimatum. If you really like the guy, and want to at least try for a relationship, then give an ultimatum. Tell him you do not like feeling used, and that you want a real relationship. So, tell him you want to let people know you are together, you want acknowledgment and a relationship that is in public. If they are not willing to do that, they acknowledge they are using you, and then it is over.
  • Stop responding. One of the best ways to lose a user is to simply break off contact. When they call, don’t answer, when they text, don’t text back, when they stop in, ask them to leave. If you are being used, you do not have to be rude, but you also do not want to run the risk of them sweet talking you into still being used. You are trying to get rid of that, not talk yourself into the fact that you aren’t being used, especially because you probably are.
  • Date other people. If you want to stop getting used, and lose the user you have, you need to start dating other people. Most people who let themselves get used do it because they seek companionship and physical love. So, the best way to make yourself lose the user, is to fill that need with someone else. Only, this time, find someone who is not going to use you.
  • How you lose your user is up to you, but the important thing to do is make sure that you first recognize you are being used, and second stop that from happening. You need to look our for your best interest. You need to protect yourself from getting hurt, and you need to find someone that respects you.

    Heartbreak and lies, how to get over a player

    He was such a jerk! He lied to you, used you, and left you hanging out to dry. When you get played, it can be really painful. It is even worse when you have sincere feelings for the guy who played you. So, how do you get over a player? How do you get over a player when you aren’t even mad that they played you because at least you had a chance? When you still like the guy who played you, and you can’t just hate him, what can you do to get over him?

    Acknowledge. It is not fun when you still like someone who played you. It is even worse when you just can’t hate them enough to get over them. But what you can do is love yourself enough. You have to face the fact. He played you. He does not like you. He did not choose you because he was attracted to you, and there is no hope for a real relationship. The things he said were lies. He said what you wanted to hear so he could get what he wants to get. So, you have to recognize and acknowledge that to him you were a number, an item to cross off a list. So, this is not a reflection on you, but him, and that you still have hope for a successful relationship, but not with him. He won’t change, and you can’t change him. This is fact. This is something you NEED to acknowledge. Quit lying to yourself so that you will feel better. Fact the facts.

    Don’t let it happen again. Shame on him for fooling you once (or playing you once), but shame on you if it happens again. You know now, so don’t go back to him. It does not matter what he says, he has said it all before and look what happened. So, now you are in the driver’s seat, you know what happens when you go for him, and that puts you in power, it is now your choice to get played or not. So, don’t. If you do your heart will not heal as quickly, the cut will be deep, and you will lose a lot of your confidence.

    Get rid of stuff, do not reminisce. When someone plays you, they tell you want you want to hear. Playing someone is a manipulation. So, you probably have songs he dedicated to you, poems he sent, instant message conversations saved, notes kept, messages recorded, etc. To get over him and heal after the heartbreak and lies, you have to get rid of the notes, the complimentary conversations, the letters, emails, texts, etc. Even if it made you feel great, you need to get rid of it. It is those little compliments, poems, emails, and texts that are what got him into your heart in the first place. To get over it, you have to get rid of them. Toss them, don’t just store them away. You might even want to burn them, it can be very therapeutic. Wash anything that smells like him, and give away, donate to a thrift shop, etc. anything he bought for you or gave you. Reminders do not make it easy to get over someone, especially someone who broke your heart and gave your confidence a blow because they played you.

    Do not try and talk to them about it. If you try and talk to them about it, you present a new challenge. You become a target to get played again. Also, you do yourself a huge disfavor by dwelling on something outside of your control. So, you know they played you, you know they lied, and guess what, they know it too, but part of being a player is never admitting you play the girls you play. So, they aren’t going to tell you they were using you, they will tell you that they really did like you, things just did not work out, blah, blah, blah.and guess what, you get hope where hope should not be, and you get heartbroken again instead of better. You do not need the ultimatum end from him, you should set it yourself.

    Break the ice with Mr. Right, how to talk to your crush

    At some point or another there will be a guy in your life that you only know from a distance, but that you have a crush on. It might be a guy in your school, a guy at your church, or a brother, cousin, or friend of one of your friends. These distant crushes are often the most fun, but they are also the most difficult to pursue. When you don’t even know the guy, and you have a crush, it can be really awkward and uncomfortable to talk to them that first, second, and even third and fourth time. So, how can you break the ice and start up a conversation with your crush?

    1. Look for something in common. It does not really matter what it is, maybe you locker by each other, maybe you drive the same kind of car, both play sports, don’t play sports, have a similar backpack. Whatever it is, you can use commonalities to your advantage. So, find something you have in common, even if it is just a connection through a person. For example, if you have a distant crush on your friend’s cousin, you can break the ice for the first time you talk to them, by using that connection as an excuse. If you see them at school, walk up to them and say, “You are so and so’s cousin right?” They will say, “right” and now you need a reason you asked. So, come up with one. You could ask if they know where they are, what cell service they use, etc. It really does not matter. They might think it is a bit annoying, but at least you got the conversation going. Thank them, ask them why you two don’t really know each other, especially since they are cousins, and invite them to come along next time you do something. Now, not only have you talked to your crush, but you have set up an opportunity for a next step. This can be done with any commonality. If it is you have the same backpack and nothing else in common, simply say, “Nice backpack.” And see if the conversation goes anywhere. If it doesn’t, follow up on it with something flirty like, “Crap, I better get a new one, wouldn’t want people thinking I am trying to be like you.” Say it jokingly, and wink. This is a great way to get their attention, and chances are next time you see each other, he will comment on how you have not gotten a new back pack yet. You could say you figure he was the one trying to be like you, and if he would like to get a new one, you would be happy to go along and help him pick it out.
    2. Get some help. It is something you do in kindergarten to have your friend go up to your crush and tell him, but that does not mean you shouldn’t get your friend’s help. If you have a friend who knows your crush, have them help you break the ice. Get them to invite you both to do something, get them to introduce the two of you, then because of common courtesy you would need to talk, and you can build off that and get to know your crush better. The next time you see him after that, he will already have a connection to you, so smile, wave, and if comfortable and natural talk, but don’t go out of your way. However, the time after that, you will want to at least exchange some pleasantries, ask how they are at least.
    3. A great way to break the ice and talk to Mr. Right, your big time crush, is to acknowledge their presence, then use it to get a more intimate conversation going. What? Well, for example, if you ride the same bus, sit near them and give them the chin lift hello, then strike up a conversation, a “How are you?” is a good way to start, then look for something in common to build off of. If you are at a football game say something about the team, and let this carry for a while. Then, really make your move by asking if they have anything fun planned for later. Usually they will have something and invite you to come along, or have nothing which opens up the opportunity for you to do some inviting.

    If you have a distant crush, you owe yourself the possibility to explore it. So, quit being a big baby, and go talk to them. If you have to, write that you think they are cool in their yearbook and leave your number, see what happens. At least do something.