How can I let him know I like him?

As a teenage girl you experience hormones, and there are going to be times when the best way to characterize you is “boy crazy.” So, when you are crazy about a boy, you want to let them know so that you can determine if he likes you too, and if you should take it up a notch, meaning start dating, hanging out more, etc. However, sometimes as a girl, it can be scary to let a guy know you like him. The possibility of rejection can be scary. Thus, many girls struggle with how to let someone know you are interested, without looking like a fool if you get turned down. Finding this balance is difficult, and the reason so many “games” are played in dating, especially dating amongst teens. Boys are no different in this, and so the following are some great tips for how to let someone know you like them, without putting yourself in too much risk:

1. Some casual flirting. One of the best ways to clue a guy in to your interest in him is to flirt with him. Casual flirting goes a long way. So, engage him in some witty banter. Touch his arm when you talk to him. Laugh, share little secrets to create some intimacy. Be a little more physical with him, such as give him hugs, etc. However, one word of caution. A girl labeled as a “flirt” will have little success with this tactic when she actually likes a guy because she won’t be treating him any differently than she treats other guys. So, flirt with just him.

2. Initiate contact with him. When you seek someone out, make a point of talking to them, sitting by them, and spending time with them, it becomes rather evident that at the very least you enjoy their company. In most cases if you seek them out often enough they will figure out that you like them. So, when you are school, make a point of talking to them each time you pass them in the halls. If you are hanging out in a group setting, be sure to initiate conversation with him. You approach him, don’t always wait for him to approach you.

3. Be direct, but not too blunt. If you like a guy, subtlety does not usually work. So, instead of waiting for him to get the hint, put yourself out there, but not too much. Don’t say; “I like you, do you like me?” Do say, “You are fun, I like you, we should hang out.” That puts it out there that you want to spend time with them and gives them the opportunity to meet you half way by asking you for your number, or asking you to hang out at a specific place and time. If he responds, “Sure,we should sometime.” you may want to put a lid on your feelings and see if he ever follows through. He may want to sometime, but he may also be too polite to tell you he would rather not. So, at this point, the ball is in his court, keep your interest level in other regards the same, but do not extend an invitation again. If he responds, “Sure, what are you doing this weekend?” then you have a go ahead!

One thing you have to remember when you are letting a guy know that you like him is that guys do not do as well with hints, suggestions, or subtleties. They communicate in a more direct way, so to help them understand your feelings, mixed signals is a poor idea. So, you have to take a little risk, and let them know you are receptive.

Friends with benefits

In short, friends with benefits means someone who is not your significant other whom you get the benefits of an exclusive relationship with. To some this means something more than it does to others. In many cases it means a person to make out with when you want some, to others it may mean sex. In any case, it is a relationship with the physical gratifications (to whatever level you are comfortable with), without any commitment other than friendship, and often even lacks that.

So, is friends with benefits a good idea? Never!

This is why: Nine times out of ten, one of the two people involved has real feelings for the other person, and it is not just about sating physical urges to them. They may agree to friends with benefits because they do not think they will ever be able to get more from the relationship with the other person, or their feelings may not develop until after they are already into the friends with benefits relationship. So, because one person almost always wants more, it almost inevitably ends with someone getting hurt, and a “friendship” getting ruined.

It is pretty fair to say that the person who gets hurt is usually the girl. She decides after a while of being friends with benefits that she wants more. If she is going to be “benefiting” the other person, she wants some of the commitment that you get in a real relationship. Often in a friends with benefits situation, the people only communicate when they want to hook up, and have little relationship outside of that. For many guys, this is fine, but for many girls, it leaves them feeling like there is a void, or something lacking. They want conversation, someone to rely on, call, hang out with. However, if a girl is willing to be “friends with benefits” what incentive is there for a guy to commit to more?

The only way a friends with benefits situation is not going to end badly is if neither person likes the other person, which sort of defeats the purpose as it is, as sating physical urges is not nearly enjoyable if you do not like the person, or at the very least are not attracted to the person. The intimacies of physical contact should be reserved for relationships, as they are meant to help those grow, and to provide a bond or connection that will help your relationship improve. When you try to stay only friends, but have that too, you go against the laws of nature in a way. So, friends with benefits doesn’t really work. Eventually one person, or maybe both, will want to be not just friends, but boyfriend-girlfriend.

So, what should you do? Date, kiss, hold hands, and enjoy each other, but when or if it becomes evident that a relationship won’t work, move on. Do not try to institute an only physical relationship.

Can I really be “one of the guys”?

The balance in friendships between teen boys and teen girls can be a difficult one to find. Platonic friendships are not always possible, and often times they leave one person or another in limbo wondering where they stand. This is often the case when it comes to the girl who hangs out with all the boys. Is it really possible for this girl to be “one of the guys?”

The answer is no. Girls and boys are biologically different, so when it comes right down to it, a girl will never really just be one of the guys, however, there are times when she fits in so well she might as well be. The following is a look at how to be “one of the guys” so that you can enjoy your friendship with boys without the hassle of love triangles, etc.:

1. You can’t be interested in any of the guys. You will not be one of the guys if you like one of the guys. If you like one of them it will create a slight tension. Even if it is not evident, or you never say anything, you will not be able to interact with them the same way another guy would, and thus you aren’t truly “one of the guys”. So, if you want to be part of a group of guys, you have to keep feelings under control.

2. The guys can’t be interested in you. If a boy likes you, he is not going to treat you like one of the guys, as that would be frustrating and confusing to him. If he likes you, he wants you to be a girl, and so he would not treat you like a guy, or at least there would be an underlying tension to it.

3. You have to share common interests. The term “one of the guys” is usually applied to the girl who can hold their own in the sport of choice, the activity of choice, or the male conversation. So, if you want to be “one of the guys” you have to be able to hold your own in whatever it is that they are interested in. If they play video games like a champ, you have to be interested in playing video games, and play as well as they do, especially because boys thrive from competition. If you are not competitive, it will not work to be “one of the guys.”

4. You have to be comfortable with them being guys. You will never be one of the guys if they can’t burp, fart, comment on females, and make suggestive comments around you with out you being offended. Guys interact with one another in ways they do not interact with girls. Generally in front of a girl, their more gentlemanly side comes out, they restrain themselves from being overly gassy, and they do not comment on other female’s anatomy when in the company of a female. So, if you are one of the guys you have to put up with that.

5. You can’t expect them to share in your feminine interests. If you want to be one of the guys, you can’t expect the guys to want to play “girl” with you when you are in the mood to shop, primp, or whatever else it is you might do. Those friendships almost have to stay exclusively male in nature in order for them to continue. If you try to include “the guys” in your feminine pursuits, they will get a mixed signal, and you won’t truly be seen as “one of the guys” any longer. So, paint your toes on your own time, and talk boys to other girls, not to the guys.

If you can do this, you have a shot at being “one of the guys”, but do you really want to compartmentalize your life like that?

Players, every girl’s boon

One thing every teen boy seems to aspire to being is a player. The idea of going through women like they are going out of style is appealing. Not caring, not getting hurt, and getting all the loving you can ever want is appealing. However, that does not mean every boy is a player. In many cases their conscience or real feelings get in the way of being James Bond like. So, girls, this means that some boys can be trusted. However, some are players. The following is a look at the typical player.

What is a player?

A player is someone who uses the opposite sex for what they want, but does not have any deep feelings, or emotions for the person. In other words, a boy might act like he likes you in order to get you to make out with him, have sex with him, etc. then he will move on. Most players will not hang around once they get what they want. However, with that in mind, they also know that you are willing to give them what they want, so they may come back to you time and again. This is the real dangers of players. It is like they dangle hope in front of you, empty promises, etc. and then take it away. Each time they return you convince yourself that this time is different, or that they have changed, or you have wised up. This is the power of the player. Generally speaking, a player is a great manipulator.

How can you tell if someone is a player?

First, you have to consider their past. Has the person played any one you know? Usually players have a bit of a reputation, even though they try not to. So, listen to what other girls say, and do not do the typical teen girl thing of “She is just bitter because he dumped her.” It may be true, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a player.

Second, judge their actions toward you. Start with little things. Are they all charm and sweetness when they want your attention, but once they have it, how do they act? How do they treat you in front of other people? Players thrive on secrecy. So, they will meet you for make-outs, will hold your hand under a blanket, or call you, but at school they may act like you don’t exist, they might text, chat, or email you, but actual face to face conversations may be lacking. If they will kiss you in private, they should not be afraid to acknowledge some sort of relationship in public.

Third, what are your experiences with them. If they have used you, mistreated you, or played you before, they are likely to do it again. It does not matter what they tell you, chances are they are lonely, or bored, and you are an easy target. It feels good to believe you are the reason they have changed their wayward ways, but the fact is, most teen boys do not have the maturity or insight to make those kind of changes, and you will just end up hurt.

What to do if you are attracted to a player? Run! Haha, no, your best bet is to simply never give over too much control. As soon as they can mistreat you without you leaving, they will play you. If you want to be the girl who gets the player, you have to be the girl who respects herself too much to get played. This means put your foot down, and don’t get manipulated.

How to tell him he has bad breath

How can you tell your boyfriend that he has bad breath? This is a common problem, and something that many girls struggle with. Do relationships really end over something like breath? Yes, sometimes. Teen boys are often ego driven. They are constantly flaunting themselves, their skills, their manliness in front of other men and in front of girls too. It is similar to the caveman beating his chest. The problem with this is that while it can be cute and endearing, it can also make it very difficult to talk to them about a flaw. On occasion these teen boys have something they could be working on, and their ego and pride gets in the way of letting them hear what you are trying to say. So, what can you do?

The first thing you have to do is take their pride into consideration. Teens in general have a lot of pride issues. If he told you that your hair stunk, how would you feel? Pissed probably. So, recognize that he is going to have pride in the way, so you have to be careful so he does not feel attacked.

The second thing you have to do is forget subtlety, most boys are immune to it. Giving him breath mints, gum, or mouth wash is really not going to work. Most of the time he will just be glad for the gum, and not think twice about why you offered it to him. So, the only way this works is if he says, “Why?” Then you can tell him, and hopefully he will recognize you were trying to be tactful, and he will credit you for the effort and not be upset. But, as a rule of thumb when dealing with teen boys, avoid hints and being subtle. It is not really their communication style.

The third thing you have to do is prepare yourself for backlash. If you tell a teen boy something that is wrong with them, you can almost always expect a return insult. You may not mean it as an insult, but it will usually be taken that way because their pride will bristle. So, prepare yourself for this response so that when they say something hurtful or mean in response, you can ignore it.

The fourth thing you have to do is prop them up. Tell them how wonderful they are. If you are going to tell them something that might punch a hole in their pride, you have to make sure they know you recognize all of the good things about them too. So, do not be too lavish, or ridiculous in building them up, but make sure they are feeling confident and good about themselves before informing them of their breath situation.

The fifth thing you have to do is be straightforward and tell them the problem. This is hard to do, but do not put it off. Simply say something like, “You are so awesome, and I love being with you, but I was hoping you could maybe brush your teeth because I can smell your lunch.” This eases them into it, and still gets your point across. “Your breath is rank.” Is straightforward, but unkind. So, put the blame on their lunch or dinner, not on them.

Why he never called, and what you are going to do about it

Ok, so while it sucks, sometimes in life he does not call. It does not matter why, if you go out with a guy, and really want him to call, or meet a guy, give him your number, and he never calls, or he asks you for it, and never calls, the fact of the matter remains the same, he did not call, and that is outside of your control. So, the following are some of the reasons he did not call, but no matter what the reason, you should always do the same thing.

The reasons he never called:
1.    Lost the number. Guys lose numbers. It does not happen as much now that everyone has cell phones, but the truth is numbers do get lost. If he wants to talk to you, and he knows how to find you, he will get your number again. However, do not bank on it, just move on, and be pleasantly surprised if he does find it or find you.
2.    Recorded the number wrong. Occasionally we make mistakes, and guys do too. He might have put your number into his phone wrong, wrote it on the paper wrong, or punched it into the phone wrong when he called. One wrong number is all it will take for him to give up trying to call you, he does not want to dial wrong again.
3.    Not really interested. Sometimes he does not call because he just is not interested. Instead of taking this an offensive thing, be happy that he at least got your number, or accepted it. That means he respects you enough to know that someone else finds you attractive and does not want to hurt your feelings or confidence. So, take it as a compliment, and move on to someone who is interested. You can’t force someone to be interested.
4.    Waited too long and felt dumb calling that late. Sometimes a guy wants to call you, but not too soon, then they get busy and when they get back to it, it has been too long, and they would feel stupid calling you that long after they got your number, so they just don’t call.
5.    Chickened out. There are the times that a guy will not call because you intimidate him, you are so great, so hot, so smart, so athletic, whatever that he thinks you are out of his league, and he is worried about you even liking him back. So, instead of getting rejected he preemptively strikes in a sense, but really, he is just chickening out.
6.    Met someone else in between. Sometimes a guy gets your number, and has every intention of calling, but let’s face it, when you are out meeting people, you can meet more than one person in a night, and there is a chance he met someone else, and they pushed things harder, or he clicked better with them initially. It may not be because he doesn’t like you, it might be that he likes someone else more.
7.    Got your number to prove something, not because he wanted it. Guys are all about competition, and testosterone reigns high. So, he might be messing with his buddies, and gets your number to prove something, never having the intention to call, he might even have a girl friend.
As you can see, there are numerous reasons he may not call. So, choose your favorite and believe what you need to.

What you are going to do about it:
1.    Nothing! You need to shrug it off. So what, he did not call, you do not know why, and probably never will. If you try and find out why, then you just look stupid, you look like you are desperate, needy, or super insecure, and trust me, if you sit there and ask them why they never called they will be happy they didn’t.
2.    Move on. So one guy did not think you were all that and a bag of chips. Think of it as one down a million or two to go. Even if you struggle to meet guys, or you really liked the guy, there are a ton of guys out there, and the truth is that if he did not call you, he is not worth your worry. If he was stupid enough to lose your number, move on. Easier said than done, I know, but there is no point dwelling on something you can not control.

Why being just friends is almost never enough

In the ideal world, if you were just friends with someone, you would never want more from the relationship, but such is not the case. It seems that being just friends is almost never enough, and here is why:
•    Chemistry. Let’s face it, we have natural inclinations to be attracted to and drawn to members of the opposite sex. This may be why you initially became just friends in the first place. However, the longer you are friends, the more nature takes over. The hormones you have, the feelings, etc. will lead you to want more than just a friendship. Even if the attraction is not physical, you start to have a larger attraction.
•    Time. When you spend a lot of time with someone, which is what happens when you are just friends with someone, then you start to really get to know them, and they start to really get to know you. It is totally normal to want a deeper, more meaningful relationship with someone when they know your inner workings, your secrets, your strengths, your fears, your insecurities etc. So, almost by default, as your friendship grows, so will your desire to be more than just friends. And who can help it?
•    Appreciation. You want to be with someone who appreciates you for you. And, when you are friends with someone of the opposite gender, you show your true side, not some masqueraded side that you put on when you are around someone you like. Your guard is down, and they get insight into who you really are. While this makes you vulnerable, it also makes you comfortable. If they like you back, you know it is because of who you are, not because of some show you put on to impress them.
•    Fun. For most, a relationship is something they would like to be in, and the logical side of them says that they have more fun with this guy that they are just friends with, so why not have them as their boyfriend. They are more fun than anyone else, plus you get all of the above mentioned benefits.
•    Companionship. You can’t kiss, cuddle, or hold hands with guys that are just your friends, and let’s face it, sometimes we just want someone to lay under the blanket with and watch the show. However, when you start doing this with your just friends guy friend, you can’t help but start feeling more for them. It is hormones, but those hormones lead to other feelings, and pretty soon you start to realize that dating someone who is such a good friend could be great because it takes you companionship to the next level.
•    The risk. People like taking risks, and you can’t help but wonder if he does, or could, like you as more than a friend. So, while you know that a more serious relationship than a friendship could potentially ruin the friendship, it is almost the excitement of it. You push limits, and you go for him because you have established that you are just friends, and thus he is off limits, which makes him more attractive.
•    Not everyone is honest. Often times being just friends is not going to be enough because initially one of the two of you wanted more than that. When more than that is not an option initially, being just friends is the next best thing. So, instead of being honest, they or you, get into a relationship where you will always want more.  You can’t fool yourself into thinking just friends is enough when it wasn’t at first.

Tips for being skilled in the art of flirtation

If you want to hone up your flirtation skills, try these suggestions:
1.    Be funny. A little sass, and some comedy go a long way when you are flirting. You have to act innocently unaware, and part of being a good flirt is making your flirting humorous. Big smiles, lots of laughs, and a little bit of teasing are all part of being skilled at the art of flirtation. You will want people to flock to you because you are you, so do not try too hard, just let things come, but have some snappy comebacks, or some funny lines to bring some attention to yourself.
2.    Touch but don’t cling. If you want to be a good flirt, you will want to make sure that you have physical contact with the person you are flirting with, touch their arm, their hand, or their back when talking to them, but do not cling on them. The girls who are clingy and needy do not come across as a good flirt, they come across as desperate. So, touch is good, too much is desperate. For example, when you meet and shake hands, use your other hand to touch their upper arm. This is just enough extra contact, it shows interest, grabs theirs, but does not look bad.
3.    Be independent. You do not want to need someone else to carry a conversation, or make you feel good about yourself. To be skilled at the art of flirtation, you have to exude confidence and independence. You do not need the attention, and that is why you are going to get it. People notice those who act as if they do not need to be noticed. So, have some swagger in your step, and do not need anyone.
4.    Lean in when you talk. One skill you learn as you get better at flirting is the lean in. If you want to give an air of mystery and seduction, move in close when you talk, this makes every conversation, even the conversation about the great pizza into intimate conversations. So, move in close, do not press your body against his, but get close enough that he starts to wonder what it would be like if you were pressing your body against his. Have a centimeter or two between you. You will want to make sure that if you do this that your breath is good. So, carry some breath freshener, or gum with you so that your flirting skills are not ruined by your dinner being on your breath.
5.    Look feminine. Part of being a great flirt is looking the part. Girls who are good at flirting dress femininely and wear their hair nice, and have their make-up done. So, if you want to be skilled in the art of flirting, you have to dress the part. This does not mean skin tight clothes, low cut shirts, or high skirts or shorts. However, it does mean some well fitted clothes that highlight your figure, but leave something to the imagination. If you look good, you will feel good, and you will be a better flirt.
6.    A good flirt is carefree. You can’t get too serious too fast, this is not good flirting, so keep things light, smile, laugh, and show your fun side. This will make you attractive, and guys will want you to flirt with them. Flirting is supposed to be fun, so make it fun. You can talk about more serious subjects, but take the lighter road, and you will enjoy yourself more, and your skills of flirting will be better.

How to move on after a guy has dumped you

Almost everybody has been dumped at some point in their life.  It’s just a part of dating.  You have to break up with someone eventually, unless you’re planning to marry that person.  But that doesn’t make it any easier, especially when you don’t feel like it was time yet.  Maybe you were still totally in to the guy who dumped you and now you’re crushed.  But you can’t wallow around, eating ice cream and watching sappy romance movies forever.  You have to move on.  And here are some suggestions how to move on after a guy has dumped you.

  1. Keep your friends around.  Having good friends in a time of emotional crisis is imperative.  But this means that when you’re dating a guy you can’t ditch your friends.  You need to still leave room in your schedule for “girl time.”  This way, if your boyfriend dumps you, you still have a strong supportive network of girlfriends waiting to help you through this hard time.
  2. Let yourself cry.  I know, if you let yourself cry then it seems like he has won.  But every girl needs to let her emotions out.  If you don’t then they’ll get all bottled up and you’ll be miserable.  Just try not to choose an inopportune moment like the middle of algebra class to burst into tears.
  3. Don’t make excuses.  One of the worst things you can do to yourself is make up reasons why he broke up with you or what his problems were at the time.  Just let it rest (at least for now).  In a few weeks when you’re both getting over the other, you can start thinking about asking him why he did it.  But for now, you both need time to move on.  He has feelings too and if you had any type of happy relationship at all, he’s probably struggling a bit as well.
  4. Don’t get nasty.  Just because you’ve been dumped doesn’t mean that the guy who did it is a scumbag.  He might be.  But you might be just as at fault as he is.  Don’t go around school telling everyone what a jerk he is.  That just makes you look bad.  Even worse, it will make him take every semblance of nice thought he might have for you and turn it into a mean thought.  Yes, it’s sad that you’ve been dumped.  But trash talking your ex isn’t going to make things better.  So if you’re upset with him because you feel like you’ve been wronged, just keep your mouth shut.  Get a diary and write your feelings in there.
  5. Talk to your parents.  Yes, they might seem ancient right now.  But your parents have been in lots of relationships before and it’s a pretty sure thing that they’ve been dumped.  Your parents might have some good advice for you and be able to help you sort through your feelings.  Plus, parents are usually much more understanding of a grumpy teen girl when they know why she’s grumpy (in other words, if you’re going to be wallowing around your house, you might as well tell your parents so they at least let you alone).
  6. Don’t become a hermit.  One of the worst things you can do after you’ve been dumped is to sit in your house and mope.  You need to get out and do things with your friends!  You need things to distract you from your sadness, not remind you of it.  Call up old friends and go to a movie (just avoid the romantic ones).  Go hiking.  Whatever it is, just get out of your house and do something.

And remember, he’s not the only guy in the world.  There will always be others, so cheer up!

How to get him to talk to you

So all your friends are dating and you have this guy that you really like.  He’s really cute and cool and likes all kinds of things that you like too.  The only problem is that you’re afraid to talk to him!  You’re not sure how to get his attention and you’re way too shy to just walk up to him and ask him on a date.  What would be really great is if he would notice you and start talking to you.  But you get so flustered and nervous when he’s around that usually you just try to be invisible.  What should you do?  How can you get that special boy to notice you?

Well, first of all, you should know that he probably already has noticed you.  If you’ve noticed him around all the time, the chances are pretty high that he has seen you in school with your friends.  Who knows- maybe he even likes you too.  It’s quite likely that he’s too shy to say anything to you too.  So don’t freak out.  Everybody is nervous to talk to girls or boys they like.

Before you decide to try to get him to talk to you, there are a few things you should find out about him.  Most importantly, you should know if he has a girlfriend or not.  If he does, sorry girl, you need to move on.  If he doesn’t, you’re free to continue pursuing.  You should also have a general idea of the kinds of things he likes to do and who his friends are. This will tell you a bit about the kind of person he is and let you know if you really want to date him or not.

So here’s what you need to do.

  1. First, chill out.  Don’t get so stressed out when he’s around.  He’ll notice if you’re always jittery when he’s around and he’ll think you’re weird.  Just be calm.  He’s just a boy.  He’s just a person.  He gets nervous too.
  2. Next, be confident.  Everyone likes people who have good self-esteem and are secure with themselves.  People will notice that you are confident and it will make your personality shine.  Working on your confidence will also help you be less nervous when the boy you like is around.
  3. Third, be yourself!  This might be the most important tip of all.  You must be yourself no matter what.  Don’t let the desire to date some boy change who you are.  If any boy, no matter how cool or hot he is, doesn’t appreciate your personality then he’s not worth dating!
  4. Fourth, flirt with the boy you want to notice you.  But if you’re flirting with him and want him to talk to you, don’t flirt with other boys.  Just him.  If you’re still too nervous to actually talk to him, you can try making eye contact with him in class or smiling at him when you walk by in the hallway.
  5. Make friends with his friends.  If your circle of friends includes the guy you like, it will be much easier for you to get to know him better.  Also, if you (or your friends) are friends with his friends, you can send your girl friends in “under cover” to find out what he thinks about you.  One of your friends can ask one of his friends if he likes you.  He’ll find out that you asked about him and then if he likes you, he’ll work up the courage to talk to you.

So let’s say you’ve followed these steps and he’s actually talked to you.  Now you need to get to know him before you start dating.  It’s important that you build a friendship first so that your relationship with him will be a good one.