When are you ready for sex?

As a teenager with raging hormones, sex is something that is probably on your mind a lot. This is totally normal. However, just because you think about sex, and have sexual urges does not mean you are ready for sex. The following is a look at how you can know if you are ready for sex:

  1. Know the risks.
    Sex is about pleasure, but there are risks for some really un-pleasurable side-effects. With sex, you run the risk of STD’s, or pregnancy, etc. However, in addition to that you run the risk of heart break and regret. You can only have sex for the first time once, and if you choose the wrong person, you may end up with disease or feelings of loss. The risks are high, so if you have any doubts it is best to wait.
  2. Know yourself. You are the only who knows you well enough to determine if you have the maturity and ability emotionally to handle sex. You can’t expect someone else to know if you are ready, this is something you have to decide.
  3. Know your would-be partner. Are they trustworthy? Will they handle your heart with care? Are they going to treat you with the respect and care you deserve? If this is the first time you will be having sex, you want to ask yourself if it is their first time as well. Sometimes having sex for the first time with a partner who is experienced can be overwhelming, and leave you feeling vulnerable and insecure. So, consider that, who they are, etc. before you have sex.
  4. Know your reasons. Having sex for the first time because of pressure, not good. Having sex for the first time to spite your mom, not good. Having sex for the first time to improve your image, not good. If you are having sex for the wrong reasons, you should not be having it. Sex is an expression of love, and a fulfillment of intimacy. It creates a physical and emotional bond, and should not be taken lightly, or given without thought. If you are going to have sex, you should be having it because you love someone, and want that connection with them, and because they feel the same way towards you.
  5. Know the facts. The law, the basics of sex, etc. are all a big part of knowing whether or not you are ready. If you are under 18, it is against the law for you to have sex with someone over 18. This is something that many teenagers ignore, but it is a law, and should not be ignored. If you are not already familiar with how sex works, and what is expected, then you are not ready. Do you know what oral sex is? Do you know how to prevent contraception? Do you know how to care for yourself before and after? Do you know what to expect the first time? For a girl it can be fairly painful the first time. For a boy it can end quickly. Do you know what to expect?

What you should know about sex

As a teenager, sex is on the mind, but that does not mean you know what you should about sex. The following is a look at what you should know about sex when you are a teenager, especially one considering being sexually active.

  1. How to do it. Any teen who is going to think about having sex needs to know the basics of it. This means knowing how intercourse works, what it means to have oral sex, etc. It can be uncomfortable to talk about sex, and so many teens are a bit ignorant when it comes to the facts.
  2. The risks involved. Many teens know that they want to have sex. They have sexual urges, and feel a need that they want to fulfill. Many teens think only of the pleasures of sex, and forget the risks. The fact is that sex is riddled with risks, especially for those who are teens, involved with more than one partner, or are not prepared for those risks. Obviously the biggest risk of sex is that of pregnancy. People who wait for marriage have the benefit of a spouse, and many of them are not really ready for sex then, so consider how unprepared you may be as a teenager who has class, a minimum wage job, and live in their parent’s home. In addition to pregnancy, there are risks like STDs, HIV, and emotional risks, such as heartache and heartbreak.
  3. The laws. There are laws about who can have sex with whom. If you are under 18 years of age, you are not legally allowed to have sex with someone over the age of 18. It is important that you remember that, and know any other laws in your state, etc.
  4. The emotional impact. Sex is more than a physical coupling that results in pleasure, there is also a very emotional tie that is created when you have sex with someone. Even when you think you are just having sex for the pleasure, you can’t share that much intimacy with someone without creating a real bond. This means that if you get rejected, if things get confusing, or if a problem occurs, it can be really devastating. The emotional side of sex is something you have to anticipate and understand if you are going to have sex. It can leave you feeling vulnerable and insecure.
  5. The good, the bad, the ugly. Sex feels good, is not bad, but can be kind of gross and ugly at times. Some people consider sex to be a sin if engaged in before marriage. There is a lot of wisdom to waiting, especially as it is going to protect you from most of the risks. It also helps you accept some of the ugly, and not feel like you are putting your relationship at risk. Sometimes during sex people fart, urinate, make weird sounds or say or do things that would be weird or uncomfortable in other situations. Being in a secure and trusting relationship is critical for the good, the bad, and the ugly to all work in sex.

Protection

What you need to protect yourself from during sex: When many teens think about protection during sex the thing that first comes to mind is that of preventing unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. While it is considered somewhat “cool” to be sexually active as a teenager, being a teen parent is far from cool or exciting. However, in addition to protecting against unwanted pregnancy, you should protect yourself from HIV, STDs, and last, but certainly not least, heart break! Heartbreak is common when teens have sex, and most teens do not think about how to protect themselves from it. The following are some tips for protection:

Pregnancy: The best way to protect against pregnancy is abstinence. Find ways to enjoy the opposite gender without sex. However, if you are sexually active, to protect against pregnancy as a girl, consider a pill, patch, ring, diaphragm, etc. If you are a boy consider the use of condoms, spermicide, etc. Talk to your doctor about the option that is best for your body and budget.

HIV: The best way to protect against HIV is abstinence. If you are going to be sexually active the best way to protect yourself against HIV is to have each potential partner tested before engaging in sexual activity with him or her. In addition, certain contraceptives, such as condoms can help lessen the risk, but certainly does not prevent you from contracting it.

STD’s: Sexually transmitted diseases are common among teens because they do not plan sexual partners out well, and thus do not always get tested before engaging in sex. In addition, many teens think of themselves as somewhat invincible, and sort of think of STDs as something that happens to other people, not them. To protect against STDs you can practice abstinence, which is the safest option. Other choices include having potential partners tested. Contraceptives do not really protect you against STDs. Neither does asking your potential partner if they have any STDs, some do not have symptoms, and it is embarrassing to admit to STDs, so even if they do have one, they might not tell you.

Heartbreak: This is the hardest thing to protect yourself against when it comes to sex. It is really easy to get your heart broken if you are a teenager engaged in sexual activity. This is because it is a shared intimacy that many take for granted. If it is given without a true commitment or level of feelings, you can get rejected, and that rejection is felt deeper because of the intimacy that sex inspires. Thus, to protect yourself from heart break when it comes to sex, you should choose your partner carefully. You want to ensure that they are someone trustworthy. You want to make sure that you are not pressured to have sex. If your partner says that you will have sex with them if you love them, etc. then you are probably in for some heartbreak after you give in.

Losing your virginity

As teenagers, the thought of losing your virginity is probably on your mind a lot. People talk about it constantly, and you can’t help but be curious about it. The following is a look at losing your virginity.

What it means to lose your virginity:

Put simply it means to have sex for the first time. However, in more technical terms, for a girl it means breaching the hymen. This means it can be done by means other than intercourse. By some standards virginity means no sex of any kind, oral, anal, or vaginal. So, losing your virginity means having sex of any kind.

The consequences of losing your virginity:

There is no huge change physically when you lose your virginity, unless as a girl you get pregnant, however, there are often emotional changes. Many teens feel remorse, loss, or regret for something they can’t get back. Some feel that it is like a rite of passage, and feel a freedom, as if they have achieved something. The consequences of losing your virginity are individual. Some of the potential consequences are heart break, sexually transmitted diseases, or pregnancy.

As you can see, there are some potentially life changing consequences that comes as a result of having sex. So, the following are some things to consider before you lose your virginity.

Questions to ask yourself before losing your virginity:

Do you feel it is the right thing to do? If you have morals or values that tell you to wait until marriage, you may feel a guilt, or doubt about whether or not you should lose your virginity. You should be 100% certain it is something you want to do as you can never undo it.

Have you been drinking or are you under any substance’s influence? Losing your virginity because you got drunk or high is never a good thing. In fact, you will likely regret it your whole life. So, only make such a big decision if you are in full control of your mental and emotional facilities. That means after a death, fight, split-up etc. you should never make such a big decision, as your emotions may be off kilter.

Who is your partner? Who you choose to lose your virginity to is of great significance. One of the reasons many recommend you wait for marriage is that you know you can trust your partner because they are committed to you legally. You have to ensure that you are not going to have sex with someone who is using you, who will abuse you, will make you feel inadequate, unloved etc.

Have you considered the risks? Pregnancy, STDs and heart break are all very real risks and should not be taken lightly.

You do realize you can never get this back?

Do you know the facts about sex? You can get pregnant the first time, you can’t guarantee that you won’t get pregnant unless you abstain from sex. Sexually transmitted diseases happen, and anyone can get them. There are legal ages for having sex, and it differs from state to state, so you may be breaking the law if you are not old enough. Know the facts!

Abstinence

More and more teens are choosing abstinence. The following is a look at what that means, and how it affects their life, socially, romantically, and emotionally.

What is abstinence?

Abstinence is a nutshell means that you abstain from sex. In simpler and clearer terms it means you are not having sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse means that you are having “sex” with a partner. This can be sex that is vaginal, oral or anal. In other words, if you are practicing abstinence, you are not having sex with anyone, or in anyway. It does not exclude masturbation, however.

Why are teens choosing to be abstinent?

Even though it may seem like everyone you know is sexually active, statistics show that more and more teens are practicing abstinence. The reason many of them choose this is because it is simply the best way to protect against the dangers of STDs and pregnancy. It is the only method that is 100% effective. However, in addition to the health values of abstaining from sex during the teen years, abstinence is also practiced because of personal moral values and beliefs, or religious values and beliefs. No matter the reason, you are not alone if you should choose as a teen to abstain from sex.

However, despite everything else discussed, probably the most compelling reason to practice abstinence is regret. National statistics about teenage sex show that 3 out of 4 girls who had sex as a teen wish they have waited longer. Most girls feel they were pressured, and that it was not as special or as meaningful as they wanted it to be. Even those that do not feel pressure often wish they had waited simply to add more significance to it.

During the teenage years your hormones are raging. Your body undergoes changes physically and hormonally during the puberty years and can kick your sexual urges into overdrive, which often leads to making the decision of sex in the heat of a passionate moment, leading to regrets later. In addition to the hormonal rollercoaster your body seems to be on, there is the emotional aspect to consider. Most teens have a life full of drama and changing emotions. So and so is mad at so and so, etc. Often times you really do not know your own mind. There are a lot of influences pulling you in a million directions. You have the urges of your hormones and your body. You have your personal values and beliefs. You have the views of your friends. You have the need for acceptance; you have all sorts of things telling you to do this or don’t do that. Throw parents, teachers, and popular culture into the mix, and no wonder you are often confused on what you should do. So, rather than make a big decision, like sex, during this state, choose abstinence until you can choose just for you.