Say no to drugs! And boys? How to tell your boyfriend no when he goes too far

boy and girl separatedIt is hard to tell a boy no. Especially one you like. You do not want to risk hurting their feelings, offending them, or annoying them. You may have some insecurities and wonder what they will think about you if you say no. Every one else does it, if not you, it will be some other girl. But, that is the point, it won’t be you! So, how do you tell your boyfriend no when he goes too far? Try this.

First determine what too far is for you. If you do not know what too far is, then how is your boyfriend supposed to know? Exactly. So, decide before it happens what level of physical intimacy is too far for you.

Once you have determined how far is too far, tell your boyfriend that you are not comfortable with anything past that certain level of intimacy. Explain why, is it a religious reason? Is it your family? Is it that you do not want that level of commitment? You decide why and let them know.

Ask for their respect in that. You are going to want to tell your boyfriend what is too far before you are on the brink of it. So, sometime when you are not physically engaged, let him know that you have thought about it, and that you are uncomfortable after kissing, etc. Then, after explaining it in a mature manner, ask if they can respect that? By asking it in a question form you are making them accountable for their actions. This is very important. They need to agree to not go too far.

Then if it happens anyway, do the following.

Pull away. As soon as the line is crossed stop, and pull away. Touch creates a physiological response. So, to best tell your boyfriend no, you need to not be touching him, or it may be too hard. So, pull away.

Say that it makes you uncomfortable. You have to vocalize that he went too far. If you just pull away and sit silently, leaving it up to him to figure out, chances are he won’t. So, say, “I am uncomfortable with going that far.”

Let them know your standards, or at least your feelings about it. You have already let him know where you stand on the issue, now it is time to reaffirm that. Say that you are sorry you let the moment get so heated, and that you would like to remind him where you stand on physical intimacy.

Ask them not to do it again. This is the hardest part, especially if you liked it. However, you need to tell your boyfriend that he went too far, and ask him not to do it again.

He may respond in a manner that means he was just trying to please you, or show you how he feels. You need to let them know what you enjoy, and that he can do that in other ways.

What if he goes too far again?

Pull away, again.

Then ask him why he would disrespect you? He may ask what you mean, and simply state that you have told him before that that level of intimacy makes you uncomfortable.

Then remove yourself from situation. Leave the car, the room, go home, end the date, whatever.

Decide what to do, break up, or give one more chance. This is up to you, but remember, if you let him get away with it, he will likely try it again.