Friends with benefits

In short, friends with benefits means someone who is not your significant other whom you get the benefits of an exclusive relationship with. To some this means something more than it does to others. In many cases it means a person to make out with when you want some, to others it may mean sex. In any case, it is a relationship with the physical gratifications (to whatever level you are comfortable with), without any commitment other than friendship, and often even lacks that.

So, is friends with benefits a good idea? Never!

This is why: Nine times out of ten, one of the two people involved has real feelings for the other person, and it is not just about sating physical urges to them. They may agree to friends with benefits because they do not think they will ever be able to get more from the relationship with the other person, or their feelings may not develop until after they are already into the friends with benefits relationship. So, because one person almost always wants more, it almost inevitably ends with someone getting hurt, and a “friendship” getting ruined.

It is pretty fair to say that the person who gets hurt is usually the girl. She decides after a while of being friends with benefits that she wants more. If she is going to be “benefiting” the other person, she wants some of the commitment that you get in a real relationship. Often in a friends with benefits situation, the people only communicate when they want to hook up, and have little relationship outside of that. For many guys, this is fine, but for many girls, it leaves them feeling like there is a void, or something lacking. They want conversation, someone to rely on, call, hang out with. However, if a girl is willing to be “friends with benefits” what incentive is there for a guy to commit to more?

The only way a friends with benefits situation is not going to end badly is if neither person likes the other person, which sort of defeats the purpose as it is, as sating physical urges is not nearly enjoyable if you do not like the person, or at the very least are not attracted to the person. The intimacies of physical contact should be reserved for relationships, as they are meant to help those grow, and to provide a bond or connection that will help your relationship improve. When you try to stay only friends, but have that too, you go against the laws of nature in a way. So, friends with benefits doesn’t really work. Eventually one person, or maybe both, will want to be not just friends, but boyfriend-girlfriend.

So, what should you do? Date, kiss, hold hands, and enjoy each other, but when or if it becomes evident that a relationship won’t work, move on. Do not try to institute an only physical relationship.

How to tell him he has bad breath

How can you tell your boyfriend that he has bad breath? This is a common problem, and something that many girls struggle with. Do relationships really end over something like breath? Yes, sometimes. Teen boys are often ego driven. They are constantly flaunting themselves, their skills, their manliness in front of other men and in front of girls too. It is similar to the caveman beating his chest. The problem with this is that while it can be cute and endearing, it can also make it very difficult to talk to them about a flaw. On occasion these teen boys have something they could be working on, and their ego and pride gets in the way of letting them hear what you are trying to say. So, what can you do?

The first thing you have to do is take their pride into consideration. Teens in general have a lot of pride issues. If he told you that your hair stunk, how would you feel? Pissed probably. So, recognize that he is going to have pride in the way, so you have to be careful so he does not feel attacked.

The second thing you have to do is forget subtlety, most boys are immune to it. Giving him breath mints, gum, or mouth wash is really not going to work. Most of the time he will just be glad for the gum, and not think twice about why you offered it to him. So, the only way this works is if he says, “Why?” Then you can tell him, and hopefully he will recognize you were trying to be tactful, and he will credit you for the effort and not be upset. But, as a rule of thumb when dealing with teen boys, avoid hints and being subtle. It is not really their communication style.

The third thing you have to do is prepare yourself for backlash. If you tell a teen boy something that is wrong with them, you can almost always expect a return insult. You may not mean it as an insult, but it will usually be taken that way because their pride will bristle. So, prepare yourself for this response so that when they say something hurtful or mean in response, you can ignore it.

The fourth thing you have to do is prop them up. Tell them how wonderful they are. If you are going to tell them something that might punch a hole in their pride, you have to make sure they know you recognize all of the good things about them too. So, do not be too lavish, or ridiculous in building them up, but make sure they are feeling confident and good about themselves before informing them of their breath situation.

The fifth thing you have to do is be straightforward and tell them the problem. This is hard to do, but do not put it off. Simply say something like, “You are so awesome, and I love being with you, but I was hoping you could maybe brush your teeth because I can smell your lunch.” This eases them into it, and still gets your point across. “Your breath is rank.” Is straightforward, but unkind. So, put the blame on their lunch or dinner, not on them.

How to stop his wandering eye

If you are in a relationship, and his eye is wandering, you catch him checking out other girls when the two of you are out, there is only so much you can do. Even in a marriage you can’t stop someone from looking, so how can you expect it in a younger relationship? You are still a teen, and so you should not be getting too serious yet, but that does not mean you want his eye wandering. So, what can you do to stop his wandering eye?

•    You can ask him about it. Sometimes guys look because that is what they do. You look too, you are just better at it than he is because you know how to be discreet. He may not be looking because he is dissatisfied with you, but because he is a young guy. You have to realize you are still young, and so is he. You are around hundreds of people of the opposite gender each day. So, how can you really expect him not to look some? He is looking to figure what it is that he wants, not because he is looking for someone better or new. However, simply mentioning his wandering eye and the fact that you notice it will help him to control it more.
•    You can change something about yourself to try and grab his attention again. Sometimes things get a little stale. You are young, there are tons of new girls to look at each day, and if you have been dating a while, he may just want to look at his options a little. You probably do it too! So, change your hair cut, color, or style. Buy some new clothes, and get ready every day so that he never has a reason to look somewhere else. If you do not want his eye to wander, you better ensure he has a pleasing sight to look at in you.

These are really your only two options. The truth is, as mentioned above, stopping it is really not entirely possible, but limiting it is. You want to be the center of his life, but chances are he is not in a place in his life yet where he is ready to make that HUGE of a commitment, and you shouldn’t be either. You are young. He is surrounded by females, and expecting him not to look at them is silly. If more than his eyes wander, then it is time to really put on the stops. If his hands wander, or his lips wander, then you need to break up with him. However, if it is just his eyes, you should be grateful he is normal, has hormones, and is attracted to girls.

So, do not try to stop him from looking. Be glad that he is looking, and be glad that even when he is looking at other girls, he is coming back to you. What should that tell you? That means that he wants you. He knows his options, and he is choosing you still. So, instead of being less secure because he is looking around, you should be more secure.

Now, if he is checking out other girls when you are out on a date, or when he should be paying attention to you, then it is a problem. Then, you need to put your foot down. Then you need to call him out, ask for a change, or break it off.

How to stop his wandering eye

If you are in a relationship, and his eye is wandering, you catch him checking out other girls when the two of you are out, there is only so much you can do. Even in a marriage you can’t stop someone from looking, so how can you expect it in a younger relationship? You are still a teen, and so you should not be getting too serious yet, but that does not mean you want his eye wandering. So, what can you do to stop his wandering eye?

  • You can ask him about it. Sometimes guys look because that is what they do. You look too, you are just better at it than he is because you know how to be discreet. He may not be looking because he is dissatisfied with you, but because he is a young guy. You have to realize you are still young, and so is he. You are around hundreds of people of the opposite gender each day. So, how can you really expect him not to look some? He is looking to figure what it is that he wants, not because he is looking for someone better or new. However, simply mentioning his wandering eye and the fact that you notice it will help him to control it more.
  • You can change something about yourself to try and grab his attention again. Sometimes things get a little stale. You are young, there are tons of new girls to look at each day, and if you have been dating a while, he may just want to look at his options a little. You probably do it too! So, change your hair cut, color, or style. Buy some new clothes, and get ready every day so that he never has a reason to look somewhere else. If you do not want his eye to wander, you better ensure he has a pleasing sight to look at in you.

These are really your only two options. The truth is, as mentioned above, stopping it is really not entirely possible, but limiting it is. You want to be the center of his life, but chances are he is not in a place in his life yet where he is ready to make that HUGE of a commitment, and you shouldn’t be either. You are young. He is surrounded by females, and expecting him not to look at them is silly. If more than his eyes wander, then it is time to really put on the stops. If his hands wander, or his lips wander, then you need to break up with him. However, if it is just his eyes, you should be grateful he is normal, has hormones, and is attracted to girls.

So, do not try to stop him from looking. Be glad that he is looking, and be glad that even when he is looking at other girls, he is coming back to you. What should that tell you? That means that he wants you. He knows his options, and he is choosing you still. So, instead of being less secure because he is looking around, you should be more secure.

Now, if he is checking out other girls when you are out on a date, or when he should be paying attention to you, then it is a problem. Then, you need to put your foot down. Then you need to call him out, ask for a change, or break it off.

The basics of teen fashion, what you need to know

As a teenager, staying hip and in the fashion trends is likely important to you. However, it can also be very expensive, especially if you are having to replace your whole wardrobe. In order to stay in style, and have flexibility in your wardrobe, without the high cost, consider having the basics or essentials that you need, and then adding accessories, and a few trendier pieces. This means that your core pieces will not change with the trends, but instead you will supplement with some of the fun items like novelty tees, or the ultra-trendy clothing that by next year will be long gone in the fashion world.

The following are some tips for what basics you need to have a wardrobe with a backbone that can be supplemented with trendier items. Of course, depending on where you live, your core basics may vary, as different climates call for different articles of clothing. However, in general, here are some items every teen girl should have in her closet:

Jeans:

You want to have at least two pairs that fit you perfectly, and that are a classic cut, not a huge flare, or a tight bottom, but consider a boot cut or straight leg. You also want to ensure that they are a medium wash, as dark and light tend to change with the trends. These are to be your basic pairs, so you want to keep things basic with them, do not have bedazzled pockets, or funky stitching, just go with the basics.

Trousers:

There are occasions when you will need something other than jeans, so have a pair of trousers that are going to fit you nicely and that are in a neutral shade.

Shorts:

It is smart to have a pair of khaki shorts. Not too short or long, and not with embellishments. A pair of basic denim shorts, again not too short or long, will serve you well as well.

T-Shirts:

When it comes to t-shirts you can have a closet full, and only wear a few. For your core wardrobe you need Three solid-color –shirts, choose your 3 favorite colors to wear, or, to stay safe, choose white, black, and gray. In addition, do not choose any funky necklines or cuts, just a basic short sleeved tee.

Jackets:

No matter where you live there is likely a time when you need a jacket, consider having a neutral shade button-down oxford, a well-fitted denim jacket, and a neutral colored zip front sweatshirt. Blacks, brown, whites, and grays are always good color options.

Shoes:

Shoes really add to outfits, and are a fun place to find diversity and mix things up, however, there are some basics that everyone needs in their wardrobe. The shoes you should have include boots, sandals, flats, and a pair of workout type shoes.

Summer fashion trends for teens

During the school year fashion is a very important part of who you are, what crowd you hang out in, and whether or not you are accepted in social circles. Summer is no different, it just happens to be more laid back. The following is a look at some of the summer fashion trends for teens:

Apparel that can be worn at formal and informal settings. As a teen you do not want to have to worry about changing when you go from a day out with friends to a night in with your parents and their dinner guests. So, part of the fashion trend is wearing clothes that work both casually and formally. This means for girls summer dresses that can be worn with flip flops while out with friends, and can be dressed up with a necklace, earrings, and a pair of heels, when at a more formal affair. Multi-functional pieces are really in, they not only save you money on your wardrobe, but they make life easier, freeing up your time to enjoy the sun.

Fabrics that don’t need ironing, special care, and do not require following special washing instructions. Let’s face it, as a teen you have better things to worry about than how to wash their favorite sweater so it does not shrink. Clothes that can be tossed in the wash with your socks and underwear are a plus, and a trend. While the look of more delicate or fussy fabrics is still often desired, it can usually be achieved with cottons.

Designs that reflect your personality, the bold and even sometimes rebellious side of being a teen. Out are the days of stuffy, uniform like outfits, and in are the days of bold graphic tees, bright colored leggings, scarves with bold patterns, big earrings, big handbags, and grunge jeans. One of the biggest fashion trends for teens this summer is simply that they are their own person, not a miniature version of their father or mother. Thus, clothes are very “teen”, not something you would see a parent, or even college aged kid wearing.

Patterns that enable you to flaunt your great teen body. For boys, v-neck shirts that show a little bit of the chest, jeans cut snug at the waist to show the narrow hips, and well balanced upper body. For girls, anything that shows their well-toned bodies. This means shorts, tight fitting shirts, tanks, etc. The idea is to flaunt it if you’ve got it, but not in a way that says you are easy, slutty, etc.

When it comes to summer clothing, simple is often best. The accessories you see the most are sunglasses and shoes. It is hot, and you are often out at the beach, the pool, or being active in some other way, so lots of accessories get in the way. So, a simple sun dress, a great fitting t-shirt, and some denim shorts, etc. can go a long way.

Popular teen fashion looks

Part of having style is having a signature look, or sort of themed wardrobe. Eclectic styles where you jump from preppy one day to hippie another can be hard to maintain. In addition, it often leaves you feeling unsatisfied and wondering who you really are. Style defines you. It is like an outward expression of what you are feeling on the inside. Are you bold? Are you traditional? Are you a free spirit? Choosing a look or at least a type of look you want to go for will help you make fashion choices, and be more comfortable in your own skin and clothes.

The following are some popular teen fashion looks that are easy to adopt, and fun to wear:

The Grunge Look: This is one of the easiest looks to pull off, as it does not require a whole lot of money. It is also popular because it reflects a laid back personality that is more concerned with inner beauty than outer. To achieve the grunge look, go for straight hair, longer is better, flats, sneakers, converse, etc. usually in bold colors, and possibly with writing on the soles. You want cotton t-shirts, or flannel checkers. You can wear trousers, like Dickies, or other brands that are informal. You want to wear things with holes, fraying edges, cut offs, hoods on shirts, sweatshirts that are cut off, etc.

The Layered Look: Layers are a great way to take some basic pieces and give them life. This is a fun look if you have a large wardrobe, and aren’t sure how to put it to the best use. To layer you need shrugs, sweaters, vests, jackets, short sleeved and long sleeved shirts, shirts with different lengths and necklines. The options for tops are endless. You can wear a tank over a T-shirt, you can wear a shrug over a tank, you can wear a t-shirt over a long sleeved or ¾ sleeved shirt. With the bottom half you can add leggings under a skirt or shorts. You can wear boots over leggings, etc.

The Gypsy Look: To achieve this look you need lots of colors, prints, and flowing clothing. The most popular is the flowing long skirt, but you can also wear peasant tops, and bright scarves. In addition you want long earrings, and chunky jewelry. This is a great look for the girl who loves to accessorize. To get the gypsy look right, you have to add accessories, from bangle bracelets to dangle earrings.

The Hippie Look: This look is making a comeback, but with a twist. Bright clothing, tie-dye, wrap arounds, etc. are all popular, but instead of a tie-dye shirt with bell-bottoms, pair it with skinny jeans. Instead of a wrap-around skirt with an oversized shirt, pair it with a tight t-shirt and razor back vest.  Add in headscarves, long necklaces, bandannas, strapped and flat footwear and flowers around the neck and you have the hippie look down pat.

Why your parents should get to know your friends

As a teenager it can be tempting to keep your life private and your friends private from your parents. However, there are times when it can really benefit you to have your friends get to know your parents, and your parents get to know your friends. The following is a look at why your parents should get to know your friends.

  1. Parents have a tendency to blame your friends for things you do. When you come home in a bad mood, and you are rude to your parents, they immediately assume that you are hanging out with people who are a bad influence. Sometimes, a parent struggles to accept that their child may simply be moody, or rebellious, all on their own, and that their friends have little to do with it. If your parents get to know your friends, they are less likely to blame them for your choices. This is good for you because it means they aren’t going to hound you about your friends when you make a poor choice.
  2. Gets your parents off your back. If your parents know they people who you spend time with, and they have a relationship of sorts with them, they are not going to be as strict or critical with you. They are going to be more laid back about letting you go out and do things with them, without having to check in every few hours, or outline your whole plans. They have a tendency to feel far more comfortable if they know your friends, and will not hound you about what you did, who you saw, how much money you spent, etc.
  3. They will trust you more. When your parents know your friends, and are comfortable with whom your friends are, and the values your friends have, they trust you more. It is like they know you are not likely to get into trouble if the people you hang out with are less likely to get into trouble. It eases their mind, and helps them feel more comfortable, and in return they extend more trust to you. Of course, if you break that trust, or if your friends prove to be people they do not approve of, it might have the opposite affect, but generally if the parents feel like they know they people you spend your time with, they will trust you more when you are with them.
  4. Your friends will likely be better friends. Let’s face it, some times you do not want your friends to meet your parents not because you are worried about what your parents will think of your friends, but because you are worried about what your friends will think of your parents. Parents can sometimes be embarrassing. However, if your friends meet your parents, their quirks and all, and are still your friends, you can rest assured that they are probably pretty true friends.
  5. You get more privileged. When a parent knows the kid whose house you want to sleep over, they say yes. If they have seen the way the kid drives, they are more likely to let you go with them. If they know the kid’s family, they are likely to let you vacation with them, be at their house more, etc. The more they know the person, the more comfortable they are, and the more you benefit.

Why your friends change when you are a teen

Many teens ask themselves: Why do all of my friendships seem to be changing?

The answer is simple, and yet complex at the same time. Your friendships change because you change. In fact, your friendships are changing because you AND all of your friends are changing. The teenage years are a time of physical, emotional, and social growth and change. These changes don’t happen at the same time, or at the same speed, from one person to the next. The changes are not the same. This means that you may start to value school more, and your one-time best friend might start to value the party life more. These are natural changes, and they lead to growing apart, or drifting apart of friendships. There is a good chance your friends will change, and this is why statistically, most people’s friends from college are the friends they stay with for life. By the college years you have pretty much defined who you are, and your views, values, and opinions are not likely to change much or be as easily influenced, thus the people you associate with and have common interests with at that stage will share those interests with you for years to come. When you are a teen it is just not the case.

What you can do about it:

The first thing you can do is recognize change as normal and vital, and not try to fight it too hard. It is a part of growing up.

The second thing you can do is look for new friends that have common interests. If your friendships change it is because the people in them are changing, so it might be smart to simply find friendships with people like who you have changed to.

Lastly, you can try to keep some connection with the people whose friendships matter to you the most. They will never be the same, but that does not mean they have to disappear completely.

How to accept it and find peace in it:

Change can be difficult, this is especially true if it leaves you feeling friendless for a time. So, to accept it and find peace in it, you may want to anticipate it some, and start developing other friendships. This does not mean you should ignore your current friendships, but recognize the transient nature of teen friendships, and be open to making new ones, you never know where you will find someone who is so completely on the same wavelength as you.

You also need to find ways to keep the friendships that you currently have alive as much as you can. This means that if you have things in common still make a concerted effort to spend time together doing those things. It is your responsibility to keep your friendship alive.

When your friends ditch you

As a teenager your friends are likely to change several times over the course of high school. However, knowing that your friendships are likely to change does not make it any easier when someone you care about as a friend decides that they no longer value your friendship. When you friends ditch you, or find other friends, it hurts. However, you have to remember that it is not the end of the world, and that you are probably better off. The following is a look at how to deal with the loss of friends during your teenage years, and how to make new friends:

  1. Acknowledge that you grew apart. The teen years are formulative years, and you often change during this time. Your goals, objectives, focuses, and interests change. One may care about college, and studies, while another may care more about boys/girls, sports, or pep rallies. The fact is that often times your friendships end, and friends ditch you because your interests are no longer aligned. You care more about one thing, and less about what they care about, so they naturally realign themselves with people who have the same interests, problems, goals, and focuses.
  2. Recognize that changing is not a personal failure. You have changed, and so have your friends, so if that means you are no longer a good match as friends, this is not a personal failure. It can feel that way, it can feel like you are the reason they do not want to be friends any more. You are not cool enough, funny enough, pretty enough, athletic enough, etc. However, this is simply not true. Despite how it feels, the fact that you grew apart because you changed is just natural, and does not reflect anything on you. Being ditched by friends is not a personal failure it is a rite of passage in the teen years. If it doesn’t happen you may want to ask yourself why you are not progressing.
  3. Find new friends. Just like the best way to get over a love interest is to get interested in someone else, the best way to get over the loss of a friend is to find new friends that you enjoy spending time with. You may still feel a void for a time, as you won’t have the memories and long forged bonds to inspire the intimacy you had with your other friends, but with time you will find that, and often it will be even more rewarding.

If your old friendships matter so much to you that you are deeply distressed by the loss, do what you can to reforge the bonds. However, you have to realize that there are two people in every relationship, and if they simply aren’t interested in being your friend any more, then do not waste your time on them, find someone else that will appreciate the things you have to offer in a friendship.