Friends with benefits

In short, friends with benefits means someone who is not your significant other whom you get the benefits of an exclusive relationship with. To some this means something more than it does to others. In many cases it means a person to make out with when you want some, to others it may mean sex. In any case, it is a relationship with the physical gratifications (to whatever level you are comfortable with), without any commitment other than friendship, and often even lacks that.

So, is friends with benefits a good idea? Never!

This is why: Nine times out of ten, one of the two people involved has real feelings for the other person, and it is not just about sating physical urges to them. They may agree to friends with benefits because they do not think they will ever be able to get more from the relationship with the other person, or their feelings may not develop until after they are already into the friends with benefits relationship. So, because one person almost always wants more, it almost inevitably ends with someone getting hurt, and a “friendship” getting ruined.

It is pretty fair to say that the person who gets hurt is usually the girl. She decides after a while of being friends with benefits that she wants more. If she is going to be “benefiting” the other person, she wants some of the commitment that you get in a real relationship. Often in a friends with benefits situation, the people only communicate when they want to hook up, and have little relationship outside of that. For many guys, this is fine, but for many girls, it leaves them feeling like there is a void, or something lacking. They want conversation, someone to rely on, call, hang out with. However, if a girl is willing to be “friends with benefits” what incentive is there for a guy to commit to more?

The only way a friends with benefits situation is not going to end badly is if neither person likes the other person, which sort of defeats the purpose as it is, as sating physical urges is not nearly enjoyable if you do not like the person, or at the very least are not attracted to the person. The intimacies of physical contact should be reserved for relationships, as they are meant to help those grow, and to provide a bond or connection that will help your relationship improve. When you try to stay only friends, but have that too, you go against the laws of nature in a way. So, friends with benefits doesn’t really work. Eventually one person, or maybe both, will want to be not just friends, but boyfriend-girlfriend.

So, what should you do? Date, kiss, hold hands, and enjoy each other, but when or if it becomes evident that a relationship won’t work, move on. Do not try to institute an only physical relationship.

Why your parents should get to know your friends

As a teenager it can be tempting to keep your life private and your friends private from your parents. However, there are times when it can really benefit you to have your friends get to know your parents, and your parents get to know your friends. The following is a look at why your parents should get to know your friends.

  1. Parents have a tendency to blame your friends for things you do. When you come home in a bad mood, and you are rude to your parents, they immediately assume that you are hanging out with people who are a bad influence. Sometimes, a parent struggles to accept that their child may simply be moody, or rebellious, all on their own, and that their friends have little to do with it. If your parents get to know your friends, they are less likely to blame them for your choices. This is good for you because it means they aren’t going to hound you about your friends when you make a poor choice.
  2. Gets your parents off your back. If your parents know they people who you spend time with, and they have a relationship of sorts with them, they are not going to be as strict or critical with you. They are going to be more laid back about letting you go out and do things with them, without having to check in every few hours, or outline your whole plans. They have a tendency to feel far more comfortable if they know your friends, and will not hound you about what you did, who you saw, how much money you spent, etc.
  3. They will trust you more. When your parents know your friends, and are comfortable with whom your friends are, and the values your friends have, they trust you more. It is like they know you are not likely to get into trouble if the people you hang out with are less likely to get into trouble. It eases their mind, and helps them feel more comfortable, and in return they extend more trust to you. Of course, if you break that trust, or if your friends prove to be people they do not approve of, it might have the opposite affect, but generally if the parents feel like they know they people you spend your time with, they will trust you more when you are with them.
  4. Your friends will likely be better friends. Let’s face it, some times you do not want your friends to meet your parents not because you are worried about what your parents will think of your friends, but because you are worried about what your friends will think of your parents. Parents can sometimes be embarrassing. However, if your friends meet your parents, their quirks and all, and are still your friends, you can rest assured that they are probably pretty true friends.
  5. You get more privileged. When a parent knows the kid whose house you want to sleep over, they say yes. If they have seen the way the kid drives, they are more likely to let you go with them. If they know the kid’s family, they are likely to let you vacation with them, be at their house more, etc. The more they know the person, the more comfortable they are, and the more you benefit.

Finding friends in unexpected places

As a teenager, friends, and the drama attached can sometimes be a little overwhelming. Friends change, life progresses, you change, etc. Sometimes friends, and the work it takes to make friends can seem like more hassle than it is worth.

Why you should have friends:

As a teenager life can be full of changes, friends help you stay sane, and often act as an anchor during that hectic time. They can guide and direct you, support you, and be someone to have fun with. Without friends, life would be boring, lonely and much too school focuses. So, having some friends is always wise, but this does not mean you need a million friends. A few close friends are often better than twenty okay friends.

Who your friends are:

Friends is a term that many teenagers use liberally. However, when it comes to finding friends in unexpected places, it is important to understand what it means to be a friend. A friend is not someone who is going to back-stab you, gossip about you, or treat you unkindly. In fact, they are the opposite. A friend is going to be there for you when you need them. They are going to be trustworthy, and someone who protects your secrets. Friends are sensitive to your feelings, and would never intentionally hurt you.

So, when talking about finding friends in unexpected places, it is important to recognize this is not about finding acquaintances, or people to hang out with, but friends.

Tips for finding friends in unexpected places:

Never prejudge people. You never know when someone you run into has the potential to be a close friend. If you base your friend selection off clothes, hair, social status, etc. yours will be a lonely life.

Be open to making friendships. Sometimes you miss signals given by people that want to be friends because you have your exclusive group. The fact is, you should always be willing to make new friends, especially if they will be true friends.

Be approachable. You will not find friends in unexpected places if you are a snob, if you do not allow people to approach you. If you are short with people, rude, or stand-offish, no one is going to take the risk to be your friend who you wouldn’t normally befriend. So, be open and inviting.

Examples of unexpected places:

It is amazing where you can find friends. For example, you may get a job, and initially think that the people you work with are all weird. However, you may find you have more in common than you think, and that they end up being some of your favorite people to spend time with. The following are a few of the unexpected places that as a teen you can find friends:

  1. Your job. If you want to make any money and have fun during the time at work, get to know the people you work with.
  2. Your church. You already have a common interest, and somewhere you can spend time together on a regular basis.
  3. Your classes. You may not have classes with your existing friends, but you will be spending an hour a day with the people in your classes, you might as well search out some friendships
  4. In your locker section. You visit your locker regularly, you might as well spark up a conversation and get to know the others who locker in your section.
  5. Your bus. You live close, and you are going to have to be together for at least a few minutes each day, talk and get to know each other.

Do platonic friendships work for teens?

As a teenager you interact with people of the same gender, and people of the opposite gender. This can be fun and exciting, but it can also be problematic, especially when you do not have the same level of feelings for someone as they have for you. The following is a look at whether or not platonic friendships really work for teens:

What is a platonic friendship?

A platonic friendship means a friendship between members of the opposite sex that is strictly friendly. In essence it is a way of saying that a boy and girl are friends and that there are no romantic feelings involved whatsoever. Many people try for platonic friendships, and they want them to work, but that does not mean that they do work.

Do they actually work?

This is the question for the ages, and the reason it is still a question is because there is not way to truly know if anyone has ever been successful at having a strictly platonic friendship. Some people claim that their feelings are purely friendship motivated, but there is no way to know the truth, especially when people often bury it. It seems however, that in most cases, one or the other parties harbors some sort of deeper feelings for the other member, making it not really a platonic friendship, but a friendship fueled by unrequited love.

So, what happens?

Typically if a boy and a girl are friends, and neither are homosexual, one or the other has hidden feelings of some kind for the other. Usually they will try to convince themselves that they are just friends, and that friendship is all they want, but eventually it will become too much for one or the other, and the problem will come to a head, and the two will either start dating, or they will see a strain in their relationship, or and end of the friendship.

How can you try and get them to work?

Just because history shows that platonic friendships are rare, and hardly ever last test of time does not mean you should not strive to be friends with people of the opposite gender. Here are a few tips for how to try and get them to work:

  1. State your objectives clearly. When you become friends with someone you have to know, and they have to know if you have any sort of feelings beyond friendship. You have to be honest with yourself. “I like you, and I know the feelings are not returned, so I would rather be friends than nothing.” Or “I only have friendly feelings for you, and will not return deeper affection.” That puts it out there.
  2. Never send mixed signals. One of the reasons platonic friendships rarely work is that at some point a mixed signal is sent. Someone initiates a cuddle during a movie, or hugs too tightly, or calls too often, etc. If you are going to be “just friends” then be that. Don’t hold hands, don’t cuddle, etc.
  3. Develop friendship. Platonic friendships only last if there is a true base of a friendship. So, trust each other, share secrets, spend time together, have fun together, and do it without the flirting and mechanisms of dating.

Extreme Sports

motorcross racerExtreme sports are extremely popular among teenagers, especially teen males.  The risk, self-satisfaction of landing a new trick, and the drive to push the limits is enticing to most teenage guys.  The author of this article is a fan of extreme sports and the adrenaline that comes from perfecting the art.  However, the consequences of going too big or participating in the sports without the proper protective gear are too big to ignore.  Here are some facts about the dangers of extreme sports and some tips for going big and living to talk about it.

Death

Over the past few years the extreme sports world has lost several professionals and numerous amateurs to life ending injuries.  Sports like motocross, big wave surfing, and BMX to name a few are getting so big that people are performing stunts that are too far out of reach.  At the same time, some people are dying from just freak accidents or simple mistakes.  It is important to remember that professionals can go bigger than everyone else because they have both the protective equipment and the practice time to lower their risk significantly. Even after all of that planning, the sport still claims some of them.  Kids trying double back flips on their homemade ramp without a helmet are foolishly risking their lives.

Paralyzed

For just as many people that are dying from the sport, it can be expected that many will become permanently paralyzed.  Not only does this keep them from performing their sport, but it keeps them from being able to do normal tasks like eating on their own, or going to the bathroom without help.  Some may glorify these kinds of injuries, but there is nothing glorious about becoming paralyzed for an unpracticed, poorly planned thrill.

Don’t go too big

One of the biggest risks people take when participating is extreme sports is going too big too soon.  The professionals that go big spend hours each day perfecting their skills.  They do not try new tricks without perfecting every movement needed to achieve the new trick.  No one is trying double back flips without first trying a single back flip into a foam block pit.  No one is jumping a twelve stair without first jumping a five stair.  The fact is going big too early will result in injury.  Not only does this keep a teen from practicing the sport, but it puts the rest of their life at risk also.

Wear protective gear

Protective gear is helping extreme sports progress.  Depending on the sport, professionals wear state of the art equipment to keep them as safe as possible while performing and practicing their tricks.  Practicing big tricks without a helmet or pads is asking for an injury.  Back in the day people didn’t wear gear because it restricted their movement, looked weird, and was uncomfortable.  Equipment now is so light, stylish, and comfortable, all those antique excuses are no longer valid.

Extreme sports force teens to face their fears.  It is important for teens to remember there is a difference between facing fears and acting stupid.  Remember that even professionals are dying or becoming paralyzed from going too big.  Remember, working up to a big trick can be much safer than just going big, and wearing protective gear can help save broken bones and recovery time.

Why being VL is not a bad thing

gorgeous smiling young womanHaving virgin lips is not such a bad thing even though you may feel like it is. I know you may have friends that have been kissed, maybe even been kissed more than once and by more than one guy, but you should be proud that you choose to be kissed by someone special-someone that you can look back years from now and smile just thinking about that first kiss event. You don’t want to think about the person you first kissed and feel sick, do you?
Many times having VL makes guys want to kiss you even more. They don’t want to be kissing on a girl that has kissed their friends or half the school. I am sure you know of girls that have kissed over half the guys in your school, but is that something to be proud of. Think of it like this, when you are a little old lady with grand-kids is that something you would be proud to tell them?  Sounds a little funny, uh? “When I was your age, little Sue, I made out with half the guys in school”.
Lots of guys will want to kiss you even more just because no one else has. You have virgin lips and that is something many girls don’t and guys like being “first” especially when it has anything to do with a girl.
Maybe you feel being VL is a bad thing because everyone thinks that no guy wants to kiss you, maybe you feel like that too. Don’t! Try to think of it like you haven’t met any guy that you WANT to kiss yet! The more you think like that, the more it will show in your attitude. Of course, there might be that one cute guy that you would “kill” to kiss, the one you daydream about kissing, you know the one. Do you think he would really want to kiss a girl that everyone and their dog has kissed?
Being kissed for the first time is special but it is the beginning of the end of your childhood. You have probably had adults tell you “don’t be in such a hurry to grow up” or “you’re only a kid once”. And as much as I hate to say it, they’re right. Growing up bites! I am not even kidding you. When you grow up, you find yourself working some lame job eight to ten hours a day, you have tons of bills. And when you do get paid from that lame job that you have spent hours and hours working at, you are too tired to spend your money or have too many bills to pay and can’t have fun anyway. But when you are a kid, you spend six to seven hours a day at school, you get money from your parents that work that lame job, you have tons of energy and you get to make mistakes and its all part of being a kid.
Of course just because you have had your first kiss doesn’t mean you are going to need to get a job or anything like that, I am just saying, don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. You will get your first kiss and you will grow up. So relax and be choosy. If there is a certain guy you have the “hots” for smile at him, make eye contact, flirt a little, maybe even say “hi”. You never know he may like you too.
Above all try to be positive, self confident and proud of your virgin lips.

5 reasons to stop partying

teens drinkingFriends are some of the greatest people alive. They are the people you can go to with anything. They are the people you share your deepest secrets. They are those special people who you do everything with. When they are at your house they are welcome to open the fridge and eat whatever they want. They can walk in your front door without knocking. You are at each other’s houses as often as you are at your own. Not to mention that friends are those people who you can party with every night without getting bored. Whether you party at their house, your house, a night club or elsewhere, you never tire of being with your friends.

Even though partying with your friend is a whole lot of fun, it may not always be the best thing for you. That does not mean that you never hang out with your friends, it just means that you are careful about the type of partying you do. Partying in the general sense of the word is not the most safe thing for any of you. Here are five reasons why you should not party with your friends:

  1. If you are having too much alcohol consumption on a regular basis, or even if you are not drinking in excess, if you are frequently and consistently consuming alcohol in can be very bad for you. Alcohol is not the best thing for your health. It can cause many problems in your liver, brain, in can aggravate problems that are already within you such as diabetes or cancer, it can cause you to withdraw and more. There are many risks involved.
  2. The second reason that partying is not a good idea is because what happens to your head when you are under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol robs you of your rationality and self composure. When you are drinking alcohol you are more likely to get into trouble having sex that is unintended, unsafe and/or unwanted. This type of thing happens pretty frequently at parties. It is better for you in more ways than just your health to avoid this type of intercourse.
  3. The third reason to avoid partying is because of how it will effect you in your schooling and other areas. Late night partying that involves alcohol and tobacco substances will carry over into the next day or days. You will not have a clear head to do your school work or to participate well in school activities such as sports and more.
  4. One thing that can be found common at parties is the distribution of illegal drugs. You should avoid partying so that you can avoid getting into trouble with illegal drugs. Even if you ban them from your party that does not always mean that you can trust people to leave them out.
  5. The fifth and final reason to avoid partying is because of the way other people might act. Not only will you have your guard down but so will the people around you. With everyone in this state there can sometimes be violent or dangerous situation that might break out. You do not want to be putting you or your friends in danger when you party and it is something that is not very controllable if everyone or most everyone is drinking alcohol.

Even though partying is not always the best idea that does not mean that you should stop doing things with your friends. You can be just as close to your friends and you can still do many fun things with them, you just be sure that you are always striving to be safe when you are with your friends.

Finding friends in unexpected places

As a teenager, friends, and the drama attached can sometimes be a little overwhelming. Friends change, life progresses, you change, etc. Sometimes friends, and the work it takes to make friends can seem like more hassle than it is worth.

Why you should have friends:
As a teenager life can be full of changes, friends help you stay sane, and often act as an anchor during that hectic time. They can guide and direct you, support you, and be someone to have fun with. Without friends, life would be boring, lonely and much too school focuses. So, having some friends is always wise, but this does not mean you need a million friends. A few close friends are often better than twenty okay friends.

Who your friends are:
Friends is a term that many teenagers use liberally. However, when it comes to finding friends in unexpected places, it is important to understand what it means to be a friend. A friend is not someone who is going to back-stab you, gossip about you, or treat you unkindly. In fact, they are the opposite. A friend is going to be there for you when you need them. They are going to be trustworthy, and someone who protects your secrets. Friends are sensitive to your feelings, and would never intentionally hurt you.

So, when talking about finding friends in unexpected places, it is important to recognize this is not about finding acquaintances, or people to hang out with, but friends.

Tips for finding friends in unexpected places:

Never prejudge people. You never know when someone you run into has the potential to be a close friend. If you base your friend selection off clothes, hair, social status, etc. yours will be a lonely life.

Be open to making friendships. Sometimes you miss signals given by people that want to be friends because you have your exclusive group. The fact is, you should always be willing to make new friends, especially if they will be true friends.

Be approachable. You will not find friends in unexpected places if you are a snob, if you do not allow people to approach you. If you are short with people, rude, or stand-offish, no one is going to take the risk to be your friend who you wouldn’t normally befriend. So, be open and inviting.

Examples of unexpected places:

It is amazing where you can find friends. For example, you may get a job, and initially think that the people you work with are all weird. However, you may find you have more in common than you think, and that they end up being some of your favorite people to spend time with. The following are a few of the unexpected places that as a teen you can find friends:

1.    Your job. If you want to make any money and have fun during the time at work, get to know the people you work with.
2.    Your church. You already have a common interest, and somewhere you can spend time together on a regular basis.
3.    Your classes. You may not have classes with your existing friends, but you will be spending an hour a day with the people in your classes, you might as well search out some friendships
4.    In your locker section. You visit your locker regularly, you might as well spark up a conversation and get to know the others who locker in your section.
5.    Your bus. You live close, and you are going to have to be together for at least a few minutes each day, talk and get to know each other.