Players, every girl’s boon

One thing every teen boy seems to aspire to being is a player. The idea of going through women like they are going out of style is appealing. Not caring, not getting hurt, and getting all the loving you can ever want is appealing. However, that does not mean every boy is a player. In many cases their conscience or real feelings get in the way of being James Bond like. So, girls, this means that some boys can be trusted. However, some are players. The following is a look at the typical player.

What is a player?

A player is someone who uses the opposite sex for what they want, but does not have any deep feelings, or emotions for the person. In other words, a boy might act like he likes you in order to get you to make out with him, have sex with him, etc. then he will move on. Most players will not hang around once they get what they want. However, with that in mind, they also know that you are willing to give them what they want, so they may come back to you time and again. This is the real dangers of players. It is like they dangle hope in front of you, empty promises, etc. and then take it away. Each time they return you convince yourself that this time is different, or that they have changed, or you have wised up. This is the power of the player. Generally speaking, a player is a great manipulator.

How can you tell if someone is a player?

First, you have to consider their past. Has the person played any one you know? Usually players have a bit of a reputation, even though they try not to. So, listen to what other girls say, and do not do the typical teen girl thing of “She is just bitter because he dumped her.” It may be true, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a player.

Second, judge their actions toward you. Start with little things. Are they all charm and sweetness when they want your attention, but once they have it, how do they act? How do they treat you in front of other people? Players thrive on secrecy. So, they will meet you for make-outs, will hold your hand under a blanket, or call you, but at school they may act like you don’t exist, they might text, chat, or email you, but actual face to face conversations may be lacking. If they will kiss you in private, they should not be afraid to acknowledge some sort of relationship in public.

Third, what are your experiences with them. If they have used you, mistreated you, or played you before, they are likely to do it again. It does not matter what they tell you, chances are they are lonely, or bored, and you are an easy target. It feels good to believe you are the reason they have changed their wayward ways, but the fact is, most teen boys do not have the maturity or insight to make those kind of changes, and you will just end up hurt.

What to do if you are attracted to a player? Run! Haha, no, your best bet is to simply never give over too much control. As soon as they can mistreat you without you leaving, they will play you. If you want to be the girl who gets the player, you have to be the girl who respects herself too much to get played. This means put your foot down, and don’t get manipulated.

Tips for being skilled in the art of flirtation

If you want to hone up your flirtation skills, try these suggestions:
1.    Be funny. A little sass, and some comedy go a long way when you are flirting. You have to act innocently unaware, and part of being a good flirt is making your flirting humorous. Big smiles, lots of laughs, and a little bit of teasing are all part of being skilled at the art of flirtation. You will want people to flock to you because you are you, so do not try too hard, just let things come, but have some snappy comebacks, or some funny lines to bring some attention to yourself.
2.    Touch but don’t cling. If you want to be a good flirt, you will want to make sure that you have physical contact with the person you are flirting with, touch their arm, their hand, or their back when talking to them, but do not cling on them. The girls who are clingy and needy do not come across as a good flirt, they come across as desperate. So, touch is good, too much is desperate. For example, when you meet and shake hands, use your other hand to touch their upper arm. This is just enough extra contact, it shows interest, grabs theirs, but does not look bad.
3.    Be independent. You do not want to need someone else to carry a conversation, or make you feel good about yourself. To be skilled at the art of flirtation, you have to exude confidence and independence. You do not need the attention, and that is why you are going to get it. People notice those who act as if they do not need to be noticed. So, have some swagger in your step, and do not need anyone.
4.    Lean in when you talk. One skill you learn as you get better at flirting is the lean in. If you want to give an air of mystery and seduction, move in close when you talk, this makes every conversation, even the conversation about the great pizza into intimate conversations. So, move in close, do not press your body against his, but get close enough that he starts to wonder what it would be like if you were pressing your body against his. Have a centimeter or two between you. You will want to make sure that if you do this that your breath is good. So, carry some breath freshener, or gum with you so that your flirting skills are not ruined by your dinner being on your breath.
5.    Look feminine. Part of being a great flirt is looking the part. Girls who are good at flirting dress femininely and wear their hair nice, and have their make-up done. So, if you want to be skilled in the art of flirting, you have to dress the part. This does not mean skin tight clothes, low cut shirts, or high skirts or shorts. However, it does mean some well fitted clothes that highlight your figure, but leave something to the imagination. If you look good, you will feel good, and you will be a better flirt.
6.    A good flirt is carefree. You can’t get too serious too fast, this is not good flirting, so keep things light, smile, laugh, and show your fun side. This will make you attractive, and guys will want you to flirt with them. Flirting is supposed to be fun, so make it fun. You can talk about more serious subjects, but take the lighter road, and you will enjoy yourself more, and your skills of flirting will be better.

How to get someone “out of your league”

Every girl has a crush on someone that they think is out of their league, and most and most girls do not think they can ever get this guy. However, this is strictly untrue. The following are the ways to get someone who is “out of your league”:

  • Have confidence. You can’t let them know you think they are out of your league, or they will think that to and not give you the time of day. So, have some confidence in your ability to attract them. You have good qualities, and you have something to offer that no other girl has, you just have to make sure you know it so he can see it, and find it out for himself. Even if you aren’t confident, start acting like you are, fake it until it is true.
  • Look good. You aren’t going to get someone who is out of your league by wearing sweat pants to school, and having a greasy head. You will need to look good. It does not matter if your natural beauty is not as much as some other girl, you can show off your good taste by dressing well; you can show that you can be just as cute by doing your hair every day, and wearing your make-up tastefully. So, spend some time trying to look great, and you will get his attention, and do it consistently, not just occasionally.
  • Impress him with a common interest. If he really is out of your league, and he knows it, you are going to have a harder time getting him to want to date you, but it is still possible. You just have to impress him. A lot of the time people think that they are out of your league because they do not know you. So, show off some of what you have to offer. If you are a great athlete, make sure they know you are. If you are excellent at Mario Kart Double Dash, then he needs to know. So, if possible, find out his interests, then let him know you share interests and that you are skilled. The best way to get a guy out of your league is to show them how great you are at something. It is even better if you are better at it than he is.
  • Act like you are out of his league. He is lucky to date you, not the other way around. Honestly, look at the popular girls, look at the girls who are “in his league” what makes them so special? They walk the walk and talk the talk. It is not necessarily that they are more beautiful, talented, or smart. It is that they think they are. So, time for you to change your thinking. You are the best thing that could happen to a guy. You are not shallow. You are smart. You are funny. You are insightful. You are a good listener. You are whatever you are, so figure that out, and be proud of it. You have to think you are all that to be all that.

If you can do the above things, you will be able to get any guy you want, even those who you once thought were out of your league. So, become the one who is out of someone’s league instead of thinking someone is out of yours.

The role fashion plays in the life of a teen

Fashion is not just for models, or those with large incomes. Fashion is a part of everyone’s lives, some more so than others. For a teen, fashion often plays a big part of their life, socially, personally, and even emotionally. The following is a look at the way fashion plays a role in the life of a teen.

Expression of their identity: Clothing is an integral part of a teen’s identity. Would the popular cute girl be as cute if she wore clothes from salvation army? Would the nerd be as nerdy if he dressed like an Abercrombie model? Your identity is often wrapped in your clothing. It is like your clothes define you as a teen. In many instances this is the case, or at least in part. While it is possible to have an identity completely separate from your fashion choices, the teenage years are often extremely superficial in nature. This means that first impressions are often the impressions that last. Because your first impressions are usually based on, or made by the way someone looks, fashion is a critical element of identity.

An outlet for their feelings: Clothing is a way that you have an outward expression of how you feel on the inside. You can often tell a story through your fashion choices. For example, the free spirited girl can wear flowing skirts, peasant tops, and gladiator sandals. The boy with a traditional and conservative outlook on life may wear slacks, oxford shirts, and sweater vests. The girl who is not sure who she is may have an eclectic style of hippie one day, preppy the next, grunge the next. Your clothes not only help you express who you are and how you feel, but they often form your identity in the eyes of others. The person who always wears name brand is the “rich kid”. The person who always is found in work out attire is “the athlete”. Clothes are more than a way to cover nakedness, and as a teen, they often become the outlet of self-expression.

A social circle qualifier: One of the most difficult realities for some teens is that fashion often acts as a social circle qualifier. Without the right look, you won’t fit in to certain groups, especially the popular crowd. In the teen years, fitting in is usually really important, and while it can be overrated, it still acts as a catalyst for many choices. The girl who wants to get noticed by the guy may wear a revealing top, or a short skirt. The guy who wants to show off his muscles may wear a tight tee, or a wife-beater. Many of the friends a teen makes, and the circle within which they associate is made up of people who dress the same, or have similar fashion choices. It is not often you see the designer label girl hanging around with the girl who bought her clothes from the local thrift shop. This is not because one is necessarily better than the other, but simply because in the world of teens, fashion matters socially.

How to choose shoes

Shoes can either make or break an outfit. They can give you confidence. They can help you feel sexy, fun, older, younger, etc. There is a lot of power in a great pair of shoes. By choosing the right pair of shoes you can harness that power. Thus, the following is a look at how to choose shoes, what to consider, and why:

Comfort: If the shoes hurt your feet too bad, no matter how cute they are, you will find yourself not wanting to wear them. This is especially true for girls. Often a cute pair of pointy toe stilletos is to die for, and looks incredible on, but after 3 minutes on your feet you are dying and wishing you had worn flats. So, make sure you get the most out of your shoes by only purchasing shoes that are comfortably enough to wear for a few hours. Sometimes you give up some comfort for style, but if they give you blisters, pinch your feet, or just cause pin, and you won’t wear them as a result, then don’t buy them.

Style: Everyone’s feet are different, and some styles work well for some feet, and not so much for others. The best way to figure out what works for your feet is to go shoe shopping, and try on every style. Then choose things that are stylish, and that fit your personality.

Consider other things: Besides the comfort and style of the shoes, you also have to consider how often you will actually wear them. For example, a pair of bright yellow knee high boots may seem like a fun idea, but unless you have money to burn, they won’t be worth it because for the same price you can get a pair of shoes that will go with several outfits, not just one, and that will work for several occasions.

Function: When choosing shoes, ask yourself if they are functional for your needs. If you are active and will be doing a lot while wearing the shoes, a pair of 3 inch heels may not be the best choice, if you almost always wear skirts, and never wear jeans, tennis shoes may not work for you. So, consider your circumstances, why you are buying the shoes, and how you intend to use them. If you work at a restaurant for example, you need no slip soles.

Quality: The shoes may be cute and fun, but if they won’t last through the first few times you wear them, don’t waste your money. Some shoes have flimsy soles, or poor construction. When choosing shoes, choose shoes that if you love them you really could wear them every day.

Cost: Cost is a big factor in a shoe purchase. You should never buy expensive shoes you do not LOVE. You should also never buy shoes just because they are inexpensive. When shoe shopping, choose shoes as if every shoes was free, and you are looking for what you really want. Then make sure the price is worth the use you will get out of them. If it is, buy them!

Great teen fashion places

Teen fashion is completely unique from the fashion for kids, adults, and seniors. They have their own look, and their own feel. So, the items you purchase for your fashion should be purchased from stores specifically designed for teens. If you buy from a store that is for a teen, you get something that is going to fit right, look right, and be right for your body type. The following are a few great places to purchase clothes if you are a teen and want to stay fashionable:

dELIA*s: This is a fun site or magazine that had trendy and fun clothing that is designed especially for teens. You can go online and have the catalog sent to your home. You can then order from the catalog, or you can order online, or by calling their number. They have everything from shirts and pants to accessories. They get a new clothing line each season, and have some basics you can get all of the time. You really can’t go wrong ordering your clothes from dELIA*s.

DrJays.com: This is a great site for finding street wear and hip hop clothing. It is designed for teens, but it is in the pop culture, hip hop genre, so it is things like hats, sweats, and graphic tees. They have a wide variety, and things designed to fit a teen. It is a fun solution to your street wear needs.

Forever 21: This is a great store for all things teen. You can get hats, sunglasses, bags, jeans, dresses, shirts, tanks, underwear, earrings, you name it, they have it. In addition they are really well priced. You can get a whole season’s worth of clothes for a low price, making it easier to stay with the trends and look and feel your best. You can find Forever 21 stores in malls across the country, or you can visit their website and order clothes to be shipped to you.

Catalogs.com: This site will take you to all of the popular places for teens and their fashion trends. It offers links to the most popular places for teen fashion, including teen fashion advice, and is a great site to start out at if you are not sure what you want.

Alloy: This is a magazine type order that allows you to order all the clothes you want to have as a teen, but also find fun quizzes, advice, horoscopes, gossip for celebrities, etc. It is kind of a one stop teen fashion site, magazine. It allows you to read about what the newest trends in fashion are, what the celebs are doing, and how to order the clothes you want and love.

Malls are full of great stores for teens, but the places mentioned above either offer specifically teen wear, or offer great prices and quality to give you the look you want for the price you want.

What to do if your parents don’t like your friends

One of the things that plagues many teens is the problem of their parents not liking their choice of friends. As a teen you feel like it is your life, and you should be able to choose whom you spend it with. As a parent, you feel like your child may not see the long term ramifications of choosing friends poorly. The following is what to do if your parent’s don’t like your friends:

First, listen to what your parents have to say. Do your best to not listen with an open mind. It is difficult at times not to put up a bias, but it is worth listening to what they have to say. Usually a parent is going to have your best interest at heart. Sometimes they are mistaken, but if you do not listen to why they object to a friend, you never have a chance to put their objections to rest. Sometimes parents think that a friend may be a bad influence on you. They may have observed things you haven’t because you are too close to the situation. For example, they might see your friend manipulating or using you, when all you see is the attention and time they give you. Listen to their concerns with an open mind, and if you disagree with what they have to say, move on to the following steps.

Second, talk to your parents. Your parents likely have valid concerns, but you have to reassure them that your friends are not a bad influence on you. After hearing what they have to say, take the time to reflect and consider it. Then give them some things to think about. Help them see why you chose the person as your friend. Often times parents only see one side, just as you only see one side. So, help them see why you are friends with that person.

Third, spend time at your house with the friends your parents do not like. Often times a parent pre-judges the people who their kids hang out with. They may judge them based on their appearance. They may judge them based on what they know of their family, etc. They may see you hang out with a certain person, and then come home and give them an attitude, or dress less modestly, or use bad words more, etc. They want to think the best of their child, so they place the blame on your friends. You have to give your parents a chance to get to know your friends so that they can see they are not a poor influence, that you are responsible for your own choices. So, have your friends over at your house once in a while so your parents will have a chance to observe them, and form an opinion based off more than what they look like, or how you act.

If your parents don’t like your friends, don’t sneak around with them, or let it become a fight. If you feel that their dislike is unjustified, try to help them see it, and enjoy your friendship while still respecting your parents and their authority.

Keeping friends even if you grow apart

During the teenage years your interests seem to change frequently, and with them, your friendships. As your interests change, the things that bound you to one another change, and so some friendships will come and go. However, sometimes you want to keep a friendship alive even though the two of you have grow apart. The following is a look at some of the things you can do to try and keep friends as friends, and to not let your friendships end or grow stale despite changes in interests, hobbies, etc.

The following is a brief answer to the question: What can I do to try to keep a friendship alive?

First, you have to talk to your friend. You have to let your friends know how you feel, and that their friendship is an important matter to you. You can try to talk to your friend about your feelings, help them understand where you are coming from. You need to help them see that even though your interests are changing, and you no longer have the same bond you used to that they are still important to you and you value their friendship. This will help both of you make a conscious effort to keep the friendship going, and to find common ground as your commonalities from the past no longer exist.

Second, you have to try and keep some similar interests. If neither of you are the same person you once were, it can be hard to stay friends. So, one of the things you can do to keep friends, even as you grow apart is to try and develop interests in the same things. If your friend has developed an interest in skating, you can try it out to see if you can have a shared interest in it. If they love music, you can try and share in that interest with them. Or, you can invite them to share in your new interests. Maybe you can get them to try out for the soccer team, or go to a concert with you, or attend an art exhibit.

Third, hold to the ties you do still have. If you are growing apart from your friends, there is likely a few things you still both enjoy doing. It might be shopping, swimming, going to the beach, playing cards, or some other activity. If you both have things in common still, and want to keep the friendship alive, one thing you can do is make plans to get together on occasion to do that thing you enjoy together. So, you may still spend a great deal apart, but you have something that keeps you bonded and your friendship flame alight, even if it is not a raging inferno.

Losing friends can be difficult, but it is good to recognize that as you grow up and your interests change, as well as your priorities, your friend’s do too, and you can’t force a friendship. So, hang on to the ones you can, and let go of the ones you can’t. Also take advantage of the time to form new bonds of friendship.

Why is being needy/clingy a turn off?

Questions: Why is being needy or clingy a turn off?

Answer: Guys like their space, they want to spend time with you, but they don’t want to have to. It seems like girls have a hard time understanding that we can like you and not want to spend all of our time with you at the same time. Basically a needy or clingy girl is the kind of girl that wants to know where we are and what we are doing all of the time. We want to have our freedom still.

Guys like doing stuff with other guys, and they are going to act different around girls then they are around their guy friends. So, if the girl is super needy or clingy, and is always around, it can be hard to hang out with our friends.

We get made fun of for it if our girl friend is needy or clingy. When we hang out with our guy friends, they make whip sounds, and act like we are “ball-less”. Even if they wish they had a girlfriend who cared enough to be clingy, they are still going to make fun of us, and we don’t like it. So, that is another reason we don’t want you to be needy or clingy.

We want to have our personal space and time, and so when a girl is too clingy, even if we totally like you, we don’t want someone who is going to constantly call and text us about nothing. If you call or text us or always are with us, like you are attached at the hip, it can just be annoying. We don’t care if you call us if you have something to say, but we don’t want to have to be with you every second. We want to be independent still, and want you to be as well.

No matter how much we like a girl, if she start “mommying” us, and checking in on us, and insisting on talking to us all day about everything, we get annoyed, and sooner or later, the things we liked about her pale in comparison to how annoying we find the possessiveness.

So, being needy or clingy is a turn off because we still want our own space. We want our friends that are separate from your friends, or our friends. We want to be able to drop you off, and go home and watch the highlights, or play Zelda without having to answer your texts or calls the whole time. As much as we like you, having time away is critical to us, and if you don’t allow it, or infringe on it too much we will likely decide you just aren’t worth it any more.

Find some friends outside of us, get a hobby, and have stuff to do when we aren’t around so that you do not always need us.

What signals do guys give that they like someone?

Questions: What signals do guys give that they like someone?

Answer: We give you extra attention. That is pretty much what it comes down to. We don’t have any secret thing we do if we like you, we just spend more time with you.

Flirting is a part of it, we will probably flirt with you more, and find more opportunities to flirt with you.

More contact and touching. When we like someone, we want to be around them, and we want to touch them. Usually we will touch you more while we talk, we will hug you when we greet, we will put our arm around you, or sit close to you on the couch. Basically we are going to look for opportunities to touch you more. This is not sexual, but we will offer you massages, or we will put our hand on your back when you leave a room before us, or we will stand with our hand on your shoulder, etc. Physical contact is a big indicator that we like you, especially if we are not touching other people as much.

We make an effort to talk to you, and probably tease you more. When we like a girl we try to get to know her better, and get a feel for her feelings for us, so we are going to seek out opportunity to talk to you. This might mean taking a different route to our classes so we walk by you in the hall and have a chance to talk to you. It might mean sitting by you at lunch. In addition to talking, we will probably tease you. That is one of the tools in our flirting arsenal.

Inviting you to do stuff, not necessarily dates, but as part of a group is another thing we will do if we like you. If we like you, we want to make sure you are where we are, but usually we do not want it to be too obvious, so we will invite you to group stuff, or we will make sure you get invited. For example, we might say, “There is a party tonight, maybe I will see you there.” We usually act non-committal as to whether or not we will even be there.

If you are wondering if a guy likes you, it is really not that hard to tell. If he is hanging out with you and is being nice to you, there is a good chance he is interested in some way. If a guy is interested in you, he is going to approach you, spend time with you, etc. He isn’t going to try and be your best friend, per say, but at least find a way to spend time around you. So clue in, if he did not spend much time with you or talking to you before, and he is now, he probably likes you!