Why he never called, and what you are going to do about it

Ok, so while it sucks, sometimes in life he does not call. It does not matter why, if you go out with a guy, and really want him to call, or meet a guy, give him your number, and he never calls, or he asks you for it, and never calls, the fact of the matter remains the same, he did not call, and that is outside of your control. So, the following are some of the reasons he did not call, but no matter what the reason, you should always do the same thing.

The reasons he never called:
1.    Lost the number. Guys lose numbers. It does not happen as much now that everyone has cell phones, but the truth is numbers do get lost. If he wants to talk to you, and he knows how to find you, he will get your number again. However, do not bank on it, just move on, and be pleasantly surprised if he does find it or find you.
2.    Recorded the number wrong. Occasionally we make mistakes, and guys do too. He might have put your number into his phone wrong, wrote it on the paper wrong, or punched it into the phone wrong when he called. One wrong number is all it will take for him to give up trying to call you, he does not want to dial wrong again.
3.    Not really interested. Sometimes he does not call because he just is not interested. Instead of taking this an offensive thing, be happy that he at least got your number, or accepted it. That means he respects you enough to know that someone else finds you attractive and does not want to hurt your feelings or confidence. So, take it as a compliment, and move on to someone who is interested. You can’t force someone to be interested.
4.    Waited too long and felt dumb calling that late. Sometimes a guy wants to call you, but not too soon, then they get busy and when they get back to it, it has been too long, and they would feel stupid calling you that long after they got your number, so they just don’t call.
5.    Chickened out. There are the times that a guy will not call because you intimidate him, you are so great, so hot, so smart, so athletic, whatever that he thinks you are out of his league, and he is worried about you even liking him back. So, instead of getting rejected he preemptively strikes in a sense, but really, he is just chickening out.
6.    Met someone else in between. Sometimes a guy gets your number, and has every intention of calling, but let’s face it, when you are out meeting people, you can meet more than one person in a night, and there is a chance he met someone else, and they pushed things harder, or he clicked better with them initially. It may not be because he doesn’t like you, it might be that he likes someone else more.
7.    Got your number to prove something, not because he wanted it. Guys are all about competition, and testosterone reigns high. So, he might be messing with his buddies, and gets your number to prove something, never having the intention to call, he might even have a girl friend.
As you can see, there are numerous reasons he may not call. So, choose your favorite and believe what you need to.

What you are going to do about it:
1.    Nothing! You need to shrug it off. So what, he did not call, you do not know why, and probably never will. If you try and find out why, then you just look stupid, you look like you are desperate, needy, or super insecure, and trust me, if you sit there and ask them why they never called they will be happy they didn’t.
2.    Move on. So one guy did not think you were all that and a bag of chips. Think of it as one down a million or two to go. Even if you struggle to meet guys, or you really liked the guy, there are a ton of guys out there, and the truth is that if he did not call you, he is not worth your worry. If he was stupid enough to lose your number, move on. Easier said than done, I know, but there is no point dwelling on something you can not control.

Tips for talking to girls

boy and girl smilingTalking to girls can be one of the most stressful parts of being a teenage guy.  The thought of being rejected can cause so much fear it paralyzes a guy.  Talking to girls doesn’t have to be as scary as it seems.  And believe it or not, being rejected really isn’t as bad as it may seem.  To all the teen guys out there unsure about the best way to talk to girls, here are a few tips.

Cliché Phrases

Everyone has hear the cliché phrases like “are you tired? Cause you’ve been running through my dreams all night long.”  Girls may think these phrases are funny, but if this is the first thing said to a girl ever, it probably won’t work.  Girls do not want to be picked up with a cheap phrase.  Instead, girls want to know a guy is interested in them as a person.  Don’t use the cliché phrases!

Be a Gentleman

While all the other guys are passing out cliché phrases to all the girls, try being a gentleman.  This is a win, win strategy.  If the girl is interested, being a gentleman will show her you’re a man.  If the girl is not interested, then she should have the respect let you down easy.  Compliment her hair, open the door for her, or, if you are good enough friends with her, help her with something.  Even though it seems like girls just want the bad guy, they really want the guy that will treat them right.

Find the Right Girl

Just because a girl is hot, doesn’t mean she is the girl a guy should go after.  If the guy and girl have nothing in common, then even if she is into the guy, it likely won’t work out.  The guy needs to look for the girl that seems to share his interests.  Likely the girls he should be talking to are at all of the events and parties he is at.  Not only will it be easier to talk to someone who shares the same interests, but it is more likely the girl will be interested.

What to Say

What to say will vary depending on the situation.  If a guy is talking to a girl for the first time, maybe a simple “what’s up” is the best way to go.  If a guy tells a girl he is in love with her the first time he meets her, she will likely be freaked out.  Be natural and patient.  Getting a girl may take time.  Say hi for a while, then compliment her on something.  Then strike up a conversation about something.  If the goal is just friendship, being natural is definitely the best way to go.  No one wants a fake friend.  That initial “what’s up” may take guts, but it is the best way to find out right away if a girl is interested.  If she says hi back awesome.  If she give the guy a scuzz, then no need to stress about talking to her again.

Don’t Take it Personal

Sometimes a guy will think getting a certain girl to like them is the only thing in the world that is important.  Really, the guy needs to remember that if a girl isn’t into them, there are others that will be.  Getting in the dating game takes guts and confidence.  Guys shouldn’t let a rejection get to them.  They should just move on and have fun!

Being friends with a girl when you have a girlfriend

three teens smiling with a thumb upHaving a girl as just a friend can be tricky.  Being friends with a girl when you have a girlfriend can be even trickier.  Keeping both the friendship and the girlfriend requires maturity by everyone, self-control, and clear communication.

Maturity

Being in a relationship and having a girl as a friend requires maturity because it is easy to get jealous.  The friendship is probably mature and strong, which means that the guy and girl probably act themselves around the other person.  It probably means that the guy and girl are able to talk about anything, share similar interests, and have gone through hard times together.  On the other hand, a girlfriend is new, exciting, and offers a physical aspect to a relationship.  Because the girlfriend is so new, the guy and girl probably do not act completely themselves, nor have they dealt with hard times.  It can be easy for the girlfriend to think the guy has a better relationship with his friend that is a girl, than with the girlfriend.

The guy needs to be mature and sensitive to the feelings of his girlfriend.  The girlfriend will likely get jealous, and the guy needs to be able to figure out if the girlfriend is mature enough for him to be friends with another girl.  Hopefully the girlfriend will understand the guy’s friendship and respect it.  Self-control and communication are two ways to show maturity when having a girlfriend while still be friends with other girls.

Self-control

Girls like to flirt.  It is possible that the friend that is a girl flirts with the guy without him even knowing it.  It could be that because the two friends are so comfortable together, they flirt without knowing it.  This can cause the girlfriend to be jealous.  The guy needs to recognize the way he acts when he is with his friend and the way he acts with his girlfriend.  Treating his friend more like one of the guys, while treating his girlfriend like someone special will help the girlfriend better deal with the friend.  If all three of them ever get together, the guy needs to make sure his girlfriend knows she is the girlfriend by showing her attention.

At the same time, the girlfriend needs to understand that the guy’s friend is special to him in a non-intimate way, and relax when he spends time with the friend.

Clear Communication

Communication is key when a guy is friends with a girl, and he has a girlfriend.  This can be the hardest thing for a guy because it requires him to talk about emotional stuff.  Telling the friend how he feels about his girlfriend and talking about how that new relationship will affect their relationship is a healthy way to ensure the friend does not feel disregarded.  Sharing with the girlfriend how the guy’s friend is important to him, but in a different way than the girlfriend, is a good way to get all of the cards out on the table.  With any luck, the girlfriend and friend will become friends themselves.

Being friends with a girl while having a girlfriend can be tricky.  It is important to show maturity, self-control and clear communication to give both the relationship and the friendship the best opportunity to work out.  But remember, high school is supposed to be fun, so have fun!

When are you ready to have sex?

guy kissing girl with roseHow do you know when you are ready to have sex? Well, there are two parts to being ready for sex:

Part one- Your body:
If you have not gone through puberty, you aren’t ready for sex. This is obvious but important. Even if your friends are having sex, if you have not started your period yet, your body is not ready for sex, and you could hurt yourself by having sex.

Part two- Your emotions:
The emotional part of being ready for sex is much more important to consider than the body part. Sex is a big emotional commitment, and you need to have an understanding of what engaging in this level of intimacy means.

Ask yourself:

  • How long have you been together? If you have only been together a few months, you are definitely not ready for sex. Sex is a big commitment, and there is no way to know someone well enough to trust them enough, and give them the emotional tie that sex creates. There is no such thing as meaningless sex. So, don’t lie to yourself and think that there is.
  • Are you married? In most religions it is believed and professed that sex is an act that should be reserved for marriage. Why? Because it is an extremely intimate and sacred act that leads to the creation of life, and can create unbreakable bonds. If you are not married, there is a good chance you are not in the kind of relationship that has the level of trust and commitment as well as that deep intimacy you should have with someone before you have sex.
  • Would you be comfortable using the bathroom in front of this person? If not, then you aren’t ready to be having sex with them.
  • How do you feel your relationship is balanced? Physical versus other aspects? If when you do an honest review of your relationship you find that more than 25% of it is based on being physical, you are not ready for sex. Too many girls fool themselves into thinking that the physiological response…in other words, the way their hormones make them feel, when they are physically engaged with their boyfriend, is love. But it isn’t. It is a chemical reaction that leads to an attraction. So, you need to have emotional, spiritual, intellectual, as well as physical parts of your relationship. You need to have a trust established. Without that, you are not ready for sex.
  • What would you do if you broke up after having sex? One of the best ways to determine if you and your boyfriend are ready for sex is to ask yourself how you would feel if he broke up with you shortly after. Would you feel used? Or would you feel like you had a real relationship? This is very telling. If you had sex with him, and he broke up with you a few days later, you need to be able to say that there are other reasons you were together besides sex.
  • When are you ready to have sex? When you have matured physically, and you have the maturity necessary in your relationship to handle the emotional ties, and deeply intimate experience sex should be. This is not something you should share with anyone, and definitely not everyone. You should be married, or have an extremely serious, lasting relationship. Most girls are not emotionally ready for sex until after high school, and having sex before you are ready can be very hard on you psychologically, and often results in low self esteem.

Slam on the breaks, how to slow down a physical relationship that is moving too fast

girl angry at her boyfriendAre you in a relationship and it is heading towards sex? Or any other physical aspect that is too far for you? Are you ready for that? If things are moving too fast physically in your relationship, and this makes you uncomfortable, here is what to do:

  1. Talk to your boyfriend, let him know you are uncomfortable. Chances are he is just doing what his feelings and hormones are pushing him to do, and he probably thinks you are feeling the same way. If you do not talk to him about how it makes you uncomfortable, and tell him you need things to slow down, he won’t know to do that. He might have an idea, but let’s face it, guys are not exactly experts at picking up on hints or signs. So, when you are not in the heat of the moment, tell him that when you get too hot and heavy it makes you uncomfortable. Then ask him to respect that and let him know that when you are ready you will let him know, but that timeline is up to you. Also, let him know that it could be a while, and not to expect anything. If he pressures you, the best way to slam on the brakes is to just break up with him. If he really likes you e will get the hint, you will get back together, and he will not move faster than you are ready.
  2. Don’t get in those situations. Another way to slow things down when a physical relationship is moving too fast is to avoid situations that lead to getting physical. Go out with friends instead of alone. Do not fall prey to sticking at home and watching movies with a big blanket covering you. Don’t lay down next to each other, stay sitting up. Don’t watch movies if you are having trouble. Don’t stay out too late. If you are tired, go home. Just remember, if you are with other people, and you are involved in activities, chances are, you won’t get into trouble or make a physical mistake.
  3. Break up. One big way to slam on the breaks is to simply break up with the guy. If he is moving too fast for your comfort, and you have voiced it, even once, then that is a big sign you need to break up. Do not let yourself get used. Do not let a person talk you into something you are not comfortable with, something that is against your standards, your faith, or your feelings. So, end the relationship. If his intentions were good, he will work toward winning you back, and he will take things much slower from there.
  4. Commit to yourself. One important part of slowing down a physical relationship that is moving too fast is to commit to yourself that you will not let things go further than you are ready or comfortable. So, if you want to limit things to making out, holding hands, and pecks good bye, don’t let even the slightest grope go. You have to be committed. You have to stop him and tell him not to do that again. If he does, you have to end things. This is the only way you will get the respect you deserve physically, and the only way to truly slow things down if he is pushing hard to heat things up.

Say no to drugs! And boys? How to tell your boyfriend no when he goes too far

boy and girl separatedIt is hard to tell a boy no. Especially one you like. You do not want to risk hurting their feelings, offending them, or annoying them. You may have some insecurities and wonder what they will think about you if you say no. Every one else does it, if not you, it will be some other girl. But, that is the point, it won’t be you! So, how do you tell your boyfriend no when he goes too far? Try this.

First determine what too far is for you. If you do not know what too far is, then how is your boyfriend supposed to know? Exactly. So, decide before it happens what level of physical intimacy is too far for you.

Once you have determined how far is too far, tell your boyfriend that you are not comfortable with anything past that certain level of intimacy. Explain why, is it a religious reason? Is it your family? Is it that you do not want that level of commitment? You decide why and let them know.

Ask for their respect in that. You are going to want to tell your boyfriend what is too far before you are on the brink of it. So, sometime when you are not physically engaged, let him know that you have thought about it, and that you are uncomfortable after kissing, etc. Then, after explaining it in a mature manner, ask if they can respect that? By asking it in a question form you are making them accountable for their actions. This is very important. They need to agree to not go too far.

Then if it happens anyway, do the following.

Pull away. As soon as the line is crossed stop, and pull away. Touch creates a physiological response. So, to best tell your boyfriend no, you need to not be touching him, or it may be too hard. So, pull away.

Say that it makes you uncomfortable. You have to vocalize that he went too far. If you just pull away and sit silently, leaving it up to him to figure out, chances are he won’t. So, say, “I am uncomfortable with going that far.”

Let them know your standards, or at least your feelings about it. You have already let him know where you stand on the issue, now it is time to reaffirm that. Say that you are sorry you let the moment get so heated, and that you would like to remind him where you stand on physical intimacy.

Ask them not to do it again. This is the hardest part, especially if you liked it. However, you need to tell your boyfriend that he went too far, and ask him not to do it again.

He may respond in a manner that means he was just trying to please you, or show you how he feels. You need to let them know what you enjoy, and that he can do that in other ways.

What if he goes too far again?

Pull away, again.

Then ask him why he would disrespect you? He may ask what you mean, and simply state that you have told him before that that level of intimacy makes you uncomfortable.

Then remove yourself from situation. Leave the car, the room, go home, end the date, whatever.

Decide what to do, break up, or give one more chance. This is up to you, but remember, if you let him get away with it, he will likely try it again.

Getting on your Teacher’s Good Side

girl leaning on top of her booksDo you want to get on your teacher’s good side without necessarily becoming a teacher’s pet?  There are a lot of things that you can do to get on your teacher’s good side.  Remember, though, teachers are really smart.  They will be able to tell if you’re trying to kiss-up to them.  Although sometimes this can help you to get on your teacher’s good side, try to just be nice and compliment them without looking like you’re intentionally kissing-up.  The best thing to do, first of all, is to show to your teacher that you are willing and excited to learn about what they are going to teach you.  Having a positive attitude toward what you are learning always helps you to get along better with your teacher.

Here are a couple more easy tips to help you get on your teacher’s good side:

  1. Use polite language when talking to your teacher: Say lots of “pleases” and “thank-yous” when talking to your teacher.  Also, look at your teacher in the eye when you are speaking to them or listening to them speak to you.  Eye contact is very important, and it helps your teacher to feel like you are listening to what they have to say!  Some teachers also love to hear “sirs,” “madams,” or “misses.”  Never be rude or mean when speaking to your teacher – that won’t help you to get on their good side at all!  Remember, teachers are people too, and they have feelings!
  2. Don’t make excuses: Teachers can always tell when a student is making excuses for poor performance in class.  Let’s be honest, no teacher wants to hear, “The dog ate my homework.”  Be as responsible as you can with your homework, so that you won’t be tempted to make up excuses!  If you have a real problem that’s affecting your schoolwork, be honest with your teacher and tell them about the situation.  Even though we can’t guarantee that you’ll get a better grade from your teacher for doing this, they will appreciate your honesty and openness with them.
  3. Ask questions: This is a great way to get on your teacher’s good side and show that you are willing to learn!  Raise your hand whenever you have a real question – just don’t raise your hand so much that you start to become annoying to your teacher!  Make sure that you ask relevant and thoughtful questions that will help you to better understand what’s being taught.  If you will still are having difficulty understanding concepts, go in for tutoring a couple times after class.  This will show you’re teacher that you take his/her class seriously, and it’s an easy way to get on the good side of your teacher!
  4. Don’t talk to your crush during class! It’s kind of obvious – talking to your friends or your crush during class is one of the best ways to get on your teacher’s bad side!  Teachers always like the students that are good, attentive listeners.  Text messaging your friends during school is also a bad idea.  If your teacher sees you doing this, they will get the impression that you don’t care about their class or listening to them.  Class may not be as fun, but you’ll need to put your cellphone in your backpack and save the texts for another time.

Always be very respectful to your teacher and don’t give the impression that you aren’t respectful.  For example, chatting and whispering is one of the easiest ways to destroy a relationship of respect between a teacher and a student – it is easy for the teacher to think that you are whispering about them!  Instead of whispering or talking, focus on listening to what the teacher has to say, and you’ll be on your way to getting on their good side!

Why won’t he commit to a relationship?

students standing against a wallYou have been dating casually for a while now, and you can’t get him to commit to a relationship. Find out why he won’t commit from a guy’s perspective.

Question: Why won’t he commit to a relationship?

Answer: Honestly, why would he? You are in high school and there are tons of girls. You are in a place with hundreds of girls every single day that you see, spend time with, talk to, etc. Limiting that to one girl seems really restrictive when you are just a teenager.

The truth is that is why you do not see many guys getting married in their teens. They are just not to that point in their life yet. Most guys at this stage are still trying to figure out what they want, what they like, and don’t like about girls, and so saying that you are everything they like, and committing to a serious relationship is a big step. Dating around, and dating a lot, and hanging out with a lot of girls is how they find out what they like. So, trying to get him to commit to something really serious is seen as a restriction not an opportunity.

If you are pushing commitment and a relationship, they will get even less committal. You have to realize, there are a lot of options out there, and their friends are going to tease them about being tied down, and they might see commitment as a restriction and limitation. And, it is. At this stage in his life, he is probably not ready for that. And, if he thinks he is, he is wrong.

You will see some guys committing, but that might be for reasons you do not see. Some guys will commit to a relationship because if they don’t they won’t get any. A relationship often facilitates the ability to have physical desires met. So, if you are wanting him to commit to a relationship, and he is already getting those physical desires met, that is another reason he won’t commit.

So, if you want him to commit, you have to have something that will be different once you are exclusive, other than the fact that he can’t date other girls. This does not mean you should put out more, or do things you are uncomfortable with. However, it does mean that if you are already doing that, your chances of getting him to commit are pretty slim, unless you hold it over his head, and then you won’t be happy anyway.

It is good that he won’t commit. You shouldn’t either. While some high school sweet hearts end up together, most don’t. So, when you don’t end up together you may regret having spent that many years of one of the most fun times of your life tied to one guy. You should be dating a lot, and not looking for something serious, instead you should want to get a feel for what you like, your type, what is out there, and most importantly, how you react in relationships etc. So, put commitment on hold until it matters. Wait until you are in a place that committing to someone will actually mean something and be able to go somewhere, and in high school have fun. Do not hook up with a lot of guys, but date a lot, and get a feel for how you should be treated, and how you shouldn’t be treated.

Thank him if he won’t commit, because it means you can’t, and that is a gift. There is a lot to experience, and a lot of fun to have, so be good friends, and develop your relationship that way, and enjoy being able to date several people.

What can I do when he dumps me and won’t say why?

sad teenIf he dumps you without an explanation, what do you do? Girls need answers, and not understanding what caused the break up can be really hard on you. So, find out what other guys recommend.

Question: What can I do when he dumps me and won’t say why?

Answer:
Honestly, if he is not talking to you, especially if he won’t talk to you about it, you might as well just move on and avoid future troubles.  There are many guys out there that are nicer than that. But, we all know girls won’t take “nothing” for an answer.

If he won’t tell you why, it is probably because he did something wrong. He cheated, he likes someone else more, or he just does not want to be in a relationship. Most guys will tell you if it is you. They are breaking up with you, so they will tell you why if it is something in your control. So, the first thing to know is that it probably is not you, unless it is something he would be embarrassed to tell you because it makes him look shallow etc. Like your armpit hair or lip hair turned him off. Or, he may have dumped you because he was worried you were going to dump him, and wanted to do it first so he does not look stupid. So, if at all possible, just take he did something he is embarrassed about as your answer and move on.

If you can’t take that as an answer, and if he dumps you and won’t say why, do not ask, call him, email him, or make a big fuss. If he did not tell you then, he won’t tell you now, and he might even just make something stupid up to get you off his back. Asking over and over is a bad idea. It will make you look really desperate, and it will reinforce his reasoning. So, instead, just get one of your friends to talk to one of his. Or at least put your feelers out. He told someone why he dumped you. So, instead of trying to hear it from him, just listen and keep your ears open, someone will talk about it, and if you do not make a big scene about wanting to know why, someone will talk about it in front of you. You will hear third party, but at least you will know.

You can also just watch what he does. If he immediately hooks up with another girl, then that is probably why he dumped you. Or, he was insecure that you were going to dump him, he will probably try to get back together with you if you do not get with someone right away.

When he won’t tell you why he dumped you, your options are limited. However, you will feel better about yourself, and about the situation if you can rid yourself of the desire to know why. Just move on, have fun, and get in a new, better relationship in time, and you will forget all about him and his stupid lack of a reason for breaking up with you.

Some guys do not have a good reason, so they just opt not to give one. That is their prerogative, and you will have to live with it. So, if it is eating at you, discretely ask around, but if it is not bugging you too bad, just move on.

How can I slow things down without ruining the relationship?

boyfriend and girlfriend relationshipWhen you are in a relationship that is moving too fast, you may be wondering what you can do about it and still preserve the relationship. Now you can get the view from the guy’s perspective.

Question: How can I slow things down without ruining the relationship?

Answer:  Umm, as bad as it sounds, you pretty much can’t. Most guys that are teens want some. That is the main driving purpose behind any relationship, and one of the only reasons they would tie themselves down to one girl. So, chances are, if you are uncomfortable and try to slow things down, he will dump you and find someone that isn’t. But that is not a bad thing. In fact, it is really good for you.

However, this is not true for all relationships. So, if he really likes you, and is not just in it because he likes you and wants to get some, then the only thing you really can do is talk to him about things.

Tell him you like him, like the relationship, and do not want to ruin things, but that you are moving too fast physically and you need to slow things down. Then just judge his reaction. If he is cool with it, he will say so, and you will see him make efforts, like not watching movies together because that is when he wants to do more. He will plan things that are easier for him to resist temptation while doing. Not ruining the relationship is up to him, not you. The truth is, it really depends on his intentions and true motivations. It will be easy to slow things down without ruining the relationship if he really likes you for you, and his motivation for the relationship is not the physical side of things.

But, if he acts irritated, or gets ornery, or keeps trying, then even though he likes you, you need to realize that the foundation for your relationship is weak, and it won’t likely go anywhere because he is mad about not getting some. So, that is when you need to stop caring about ruining the relationship and dump the guy. He can like you for you, and still be dating you to get some. So, do not look at it as an insult, realize that you are attractive and cool enough that he would single you out, but that you do not want to move that fast, and if he is unwilling to stop, he is the one with the problem, not you.

If you don’t dump the guy, he will keep trying things, and you will be uncomfortable and do things you regret, and he will break up with you after he gets what he wants anyway. So, while it sucks, it is true. Most teenage guys do not have long term thoughts when it comes to girls. They may really enjoy your friendship, and like spending time with you, but when they commit to an exclusive relationship it is because they want some and don’t want other guys to have what they are getting.

Quit thinking you are the exception.
The most truthful answer to the question of how to slow things down without the relationship being ruined is simply you can’t. This is not just because of the guy though. If you want to regress, it is going to be hard on both of you to go from doing something to not doing it, it is easy to slip back into old habits, and this is trouble. So, break up. Do not try to salvage things. If it is meant to happen you will get back together and can start over physically.