When are you ready for sex?

As a teenager with raging hormones, sex is something that is probably on your mind a lot. This is totally normal. However, just because you think about sex, and have sexual urges does not mean you are ready for sex. The following is a look at how you can know if you are ready for sex:

  1. Know the risks.
    Sex is about pleasure, but there are risks for some really un-pleasurable side-effects. With sex, you run the risk of STD’s, or pregnancy, etc. However, in addition to that you run the risk of heart break and regret. You can only have sex for the first time once, and if you choose the wrong person, you may end up with disease or feelings of loss. The risks are high, so if you have any doubts it is best to wait.
  2. Know yourself. You are the only who knows you well enough to determine if you have the maturity and ability emotionally to handle sex. You can’t expect someone else to know if you are ready, this is something you have to decide.
  3. Know your would-be partner. Are they trustworthy? Will they handle your heart with care? Are they going to treat you with the respect and care you deserve? If this is the first time you will be having sex, you want to ask yourself if it is their first time as well. Sometimes having sex for the first time with a partner who is experienced can be overwhelming, and leave you feeling vulnerable and insecure. So, consider that, who they are, etc. before you have sex.
  4. Know your reasons. Having sex for the first time because of pressure, not good. Having sex for the first time to spite your mom, not good. Having sex for the first time to improve your image, not good. If you are having sex for the wrong reasons, you should not be having it. Sex is an expression of love, and a fulfillment of intimacy. It creates a physical and emotional bond, and should not be taken lightly, or given without thought. If you are going to have sex, you should be having it because you love someone, and want that connection with them, and because they feel the same way towards you.
  5. Know the facts. The law, the basics of sex, etc. are all a big part of knowing whether or not you are ready. If you are under 18, it is against the law for you to have sex with someone over 18. This is something that many teenagers ignore, but it is a law, and should not be ignored. If you are not already familiar with how sex works, and what is expected, then you are not ready. Do you know what oral sex is? Do you know how to prevent contraception? Do you know how to care for yourself before and after? Do you know what to expect the first time? For a girl it can be fairly painful the first time. For a boy it can end quickly. Do you know what to expect?

What you should know about sex

As a teenager, sex is on the mind, but that does not mean you know what you should about sex. The following is a look at what you should know about sex when you are a teenager, especially one considering being sexually active.

  1. How to do it. Any teen who is going to think about having sex needs to know the basics of it. This means knowing how intercourse works, what it means to have oral sex, etc. It can be uncomfortable to talk about sex, and so many teens are a bit ignorant when it comes to the facts.
  2. The risks involved. Many teens know that they want to have sex. They have sexual urges, and feel a need that they want to fulfill. Many teens think only of the pleasures of sex, and forget the risks. The fact is that sex is riddled with risks, especially for those who are teens, involved with more than one partner, or are not prepared for those risks. Obviously the biggest risk of sex is that of pregnancy. People who wait for marriage have the benefit of a spouse, and many of them are not really ready for sex then, so consider how unprepared you may be as a teenager who has class, a minimum wage job, and live in their parent’s home. In addition to pregnancy, there are risks like STDs, HIV, and emotional risks, such as heartache and heartbreak.
  3. The laws. There are laws about who can have sex with whom. If you are under 18 years of age, you are not legally allowed to have sex with someone over the age of 18. It is important that you remember that, and know any other laws in your state, etc.
  4. The emotional impact. Sex is more than a physical coupling that results in pleasure, there is also a very emotional tie that is created when you have sex with someone. Even when you think you are just having sex for the pleasure, you can’t share that much intimacy with someone without creating a real bond. This means that if you get rejected, if things get confusing, or if a problem occurs, it can be really devastating. The emotional side of sex is something you have to anticipate and understand if you are going to have sex. It can leave you feeling vulnerable and insecure.
  5. The good, the bad, the ugly. Sex feels good, is not bad, but can be kind of gross and ugly at times. Some people consider sex to be a sin if engaged in before marriage. There is a lot of wisdom to waiting, especially as it is going to protect you from most of the risks. It also helps you accept some of the ugly, and not feel like you are putting your relationship at risk. Sometimes during sex people fart, urinate, make weird sounds or say or do things that would be weird or uncomfortable in other situations. Being in a secure and trusting relationship is critical for the good, the bad, and the ugly to all work in sex.

Protection

What you need to protect yourself from during sex: When many teens think about protection during sex the thing that first comes to mind is that of preventing unwanted or unplanned pregnancy. While it is considered somewhat “cool” to be sexually active as a teenager, being a teen parent is far from cool or exciting. However, in addition to protecting against unwanted pregnancy, you should protect yourself from HIV, STDs, and last, but certainly not least, heart break! Heartbreak is common when teens have sex, and most teens do not think about how to protect themselves from it. The following are some tips for protection:

Pregnancy: The best way to protect against pregnancy is abstinence. Find ways to enjoy the opposite gender without sex. However, if you are sexually active, to protect against pregnancy as a girl, consider a pill, patch, ring, diaphragm, etc. If you are a boy consider the use of condoms, spermicide, etc. Talk to your doctor about the option that is best for your body and budget.

HIV: The best way to protect against HIV is abstinence. If you are going to be sexually active the best way to protect yourself against HIV is to have each potential partner tested before engaging in sexual activity with him or her. In addition, certain contraceptives, such as condoms can help lessen the risk, but certainly does not prevent you from contracting it.

STD’s: Sexually transmitted diseases are common among teens because they do not plan sexual partners out well, and thus do not always get tested before engaging in sex. In addition, many teens think of themselves as somewhat invincible, and sort of think of STDs as something that happens to other people, not them. To protect against STDs you can practice abstinence, which is the safest option. Other choices include having potential partners tested. Contraceptives do not really protect you against STDs. Neither does asking your potential partner if they have any STDs, some do not have symptoms, and it is embarrassing to admit to STDs, so even if they do have one, they might not tell you.

Heartbreak: This is the hardest thing to protect yourself against when it comes to sex. It is really easy to get your heart broken if you are a teenager engaged in sexual activity. This is because it is a shared intimacy that many take for granted. If it is given without a true commitment or level of feelings, you can get rejected, and that rejection is felt deeper because of the intimacy that sex inspires. Thus, to protect yourself from heart break when it comes to sex, you should choose your partner carefully. You want to ensure that they are someone trustworthy. You want to make sure that you are not pressured to have sex. If your partner says that you will have sex with them if you love them, etc. then you are probably in for some heartbreak after you give in.

How to say “no” to your significant other

Your virginity and your body are yours. They are very personal, and you have every right to give or withhold based on what you want, not on what someone else wants. However, sometimes as a teen in a relationship, it can be difficult to say “no” to your significant other when they want and are ready for sex and you aren’t. The following are some things to consider:

Even though you know that a good relationship requires communication, it can be difficult to communicate about sex. You do not want to disappoint, or threaten someone. You do not want them to stop liking you because you are really conservative, inexperienced, or nervous when it comes to sex. For some reason, as a whole, teens seem to think that the more they act like they know everything about sex, the more accepted they will be. However, you can’t tell your significant other “no” if you do not communicate your feelings with them. You will be sending mixed signals that will be sure to end the relationship if you act like you want it, then deny them. So, rather than letting your fear of how they will take it mess up your relationship, you mess it up yourself.

So, talk to them. Tell them how you feel, and if you do not want to go into details, a simple, “I am not ready, and I am not sure when I will be” should suffice. The fact is you don’t really need to tell anyone why you don’t want to have sex, just that you don’t. Be clear though. You can’t say you don’t then jump on them for a long make-out session that gets them hot and ready.

Even though you know that loving someone doesn’t just give them permission for sex, and that someone who uses that against you is not worth it, that does not make it easy to move on. If your significant other is telling you that you will have sex with them if you really love them, a red flag should go up.

If they put conditions on you, or your love, and those conditions involve sex, there is a good chance that things won’t work out in the long run. However, knowing this and doing something about it can be two very different things. As a teenager, you want to have those relationships, that person to rely on, to hang out with, to get comfort from. So, sometimes it feels like the price (sex) is worth the payoff (the companionship). A good tip to help you combat this and still say no is to say, “If you love me you will wait until I am ready.” This will put the ball back in their court, and will show that that your love for them does not determine when you are ready for sex. You don’t have to explain. If they can’t handle it, then there is no denying it, you need to move on. This gives them an out, and gives you a viable excuse for their raging hormones. But, if they fail the test, you have to get used to being alone for a while.