Tips for talking to girls

boy and girl smilingTalking to girls can be one of the most stressful parts of being a teenage guy.  The thought of being rejected can cause so much fear it paralyzes a guy.  Talking to girls doesn’t have to be as scary as it seems.  And believe it or not, being rejected really isn’t as bad as it may seem.  To all the teen guys out there unsure about the best way to talk to girls, here are a few tips.

Cliché Phrases

Everyone has hear the cliché phrases like “are you tired? Cause you’ve been running through my dreams all night long.”  Girls may think these phrases are funny, but if this is the first thing said to a girl ever, it probably won’t work.  Girls do not want to be picked up with a cheap phrase.  Instead, girls want to know a guy is interested in them as a person.  Don’t use the cliché phrases!

Be a Gentleman

While all the other guys are passing out cliché phrases to all the girls, try being a gentleman.  This is a win, win strategy.  If the girl is interested, being a gentleman will show her you’re a man.  If the girl is not interested, then she should have the respect let you down easy.  Compliment her hair, open the door for her, or, if you are good enough friends with her, help her with something.  Even though it seems like girls just want the bad guy, they really want the guy that will treat them right.

Find the Right Girl

Just because a girl is hot, doesn’t mean she is the girl a guy should go after.  If the guy and girl have nothing in common, then even if she is into the guy, it likely won’t work out.  The guy needs to look for the girl that seems to share his interests.  Likely the girls he should be talking to are at all of the events and parties he is at.  Not only will it be easier to talk to someone who shares the same interests, but it is more likely the girl will be interested.

What to Say

What to say will vary depending on the situation.  If a guy is talking to a girl for the first time, maybe a simple “what’s up” is the best way to go.  If a guy tells a girl he is in love with her the first time he meets her, she will likely be freaked out.  Be natural and patient.  Getting a girl may take time.  Say hi for a while, then compliment her on something.  Then strike up a conversation about something.  If the goal is just friendship, being natural is definitely the best way to go.  No one wants a fake friend.  That initial “what’s up” may take guts, but it is the best way to find out right away if a girl is interested.  If she says hi back awesome.  If she give the guy a scuzz, then no need to stress about talking to her again.

Don’t Take it Personal

Sometimes a guy will think getting a certain girl to like them is the only thing in the world that is important.  Really, the guy needs to remember that if a girl isn’t into them, there are others that will be.  Getting in the dating game takes guts and confidence.  Guys shouldn’t let a rejection get to them.  They should just move on and have fun!

Why won’t he commit to a relationship?

students standing against a wallYou have been dating casually for a while now, and you can’t get him to commit to a relationship. Find out why he won’t commit from a guy’s perspective.

Question: Why won’t he commit to a relationship?

Answer: Honestly, why would he? You are in high school and there are tons of girls. You are in a place with hundreds of girls every single day that you see, spend time with, talk to, etc. Limiting that to one girl seems really restrictive when you are just a teenager.

The truth is that is why you do not see many guys getting married in their teens. They are just not to that point in their life yet. Most guys at this stage are still trying to figure out what they want, what they like, and don’t like about girls, and so saying that you are everything they like, and committing to a serious relationship is a big step. Dating around, and dating a lot, and hanging out with a lot of girls is how they find out what they like. So, trying to get him to commit to something really serious is seen as a restriction not an opportunity.

If you are pushing commitment and a relationship, they will get even less committal. You have to realize, there are a lot of options out there, and their friends are going to tease them about being tied down, and they might see commitment as a restriction and limitation. And, it is. At this stage in his life, he is probably not ready for that. And, if he thinks he is, he is wrong.

You will see some guys committing, but that might be for reasons you do not see. Some guys will commit to a relationship because if they don’t they won’t get any. A relationship often facilitates the ability to have physical desires met. So, if you are wanting him to commit to a relationship, and he is already getting those physical desires met, that is another reason he won’t commit.

So, if you want him to commit, you have to have something that will be different once you are exclusive, other than the fact that he can’t date other girls. This does not mean you should put out more, or do things you are uncomfortable with. However, it does mean that if you are already doing that, your chances of getting him to commit are pretty slim, unless you hold it over his head, and then you won’t be happy anyway.

It is good that he won’t commit. You shouldn’t either. While some high school sweet hearts end up together, most don’t. So, when you don’t end up together you may regret having spent that many years of one of the most fun times of your life tied to one guy. You should be dating a lot, and not looking for something serious, instead you should want to get a feel for what you like, your type, what is out there, and most importantly, how you react in relationships etc. So, put commitment on hold until it matters. Wait until you are in a place that committing to someone will actually mean something and be able to go somewhere, and in high school have fun. Do not hook up with a lot of guys, but date a lot, and get a feel for how you should be treated, and how you shouldn’t be treated.

Thank him if he won’t commit, because it means you can’t, and that is a gift. There is a lot to experience, and a lot of fun to have, so be good friends, and develop your relationship that way, and enjoy being able to date several people.

What do guys like?

Young girl leaned over pile of booksGirls always want to know what guys like. Now you can get the answer.

Question: What do guys like?

Answer: Umm sex, sports, cars, and the order on that changes depending on the guy. Obviously we have other interests too. But, I think the question really is what do guys like in girls.

Well, initially a guy likes looks. So, if you are trying to get a guy, or guys in general, you want to dress in style, do your hair, wear some make-up and jewelry, basically get ready. If a girl gets ready and looks nice, we are more likely to overlook some things, like a big nose, or something.

Guys also really like when a girl has a common interest with them. If I really like sports, I want a girl who is going to like watching the game with me. I do not want a girl that is a total tom boy, but a girl that I can have fun with because we have things in common.

Guys really like when a girl shows an effort. Even if she hates football, if she will go to the game with him, or go to his game and cheer, even if she yells home-run, he likes seeing she cares enough to make an effort.

Guys really like when a girl looks good, but does not look fake. It is nice for a girl to be tan, but looking like you are from Hawaii in the middle of winter screams out fake bake, and can be a bit of a turn off. Also, do not cake on the makeup or wear too bright of colors, etc. Instead, use make up to enhance what you have and to cover your blemishes. Go for the natural look.

Guys like girls who are consistent. Do not be all moody, or want one thing then another. Instead just be a fun person to be around. It is okay to be normal, and have bad days, but too many of those gets really wearing.

Guys like when a girl is easy going. We need to be able to joke with a girl and know she is not going to go home and over analyze it all and be all bothered because we teased her or joked about something. Also, you have to be okay with us having guy time. If you are all crazy about having to spend every second together, or really uptight about who we hang out with, we won’t like you much.

Guys like girls who are fun and interested in them. What person doesn’t want someone to show an interest. So, even if you hate video games, and don’t play them yourself, you can ask how ours is going, what level we are on, etc. Showing that you are interested in us, not necessarily what we do is fine.

Guys don’t like when a girl tries to hard to be one of the guys. We like having girls to hang out with and talk to, but not when they think they are just like a guy. You aren’t! Tom boy is only good to a point. If you are better than us at something we should be better at, like arm wrestling, fixing cars, etc. it can be cool, but not if it threatens our manliness, so keep things from being to extreme in the tom boy area.

Guys like girls who like their friends. If you rag on our friends, we are going to get sick of you fast, they are our friends. You would not like it if we ragged on your friends, so lay off that. Instead, try to be friends with them too, it will make hanging out easier.

Should I try to make him jealous to get his attention?

girls showing-offIf you want his attention, what do you do? Some girls think that they should try and get him jealous to get his attention? Is this a good tactic? Find out from the guys.

Question: Should I try to make him jealous to get his attention?

Answer: The answer to this question is sort of complicated. It really depends on the guy.

Guys like competition, the chase, and all those other testosterone fueled thing. But when it comes to making him jealous, it really depends on the guy, and how much confidence they have in themselves.

If the guy is not very confident, not too athletic, etc. he would probably say, “No, not at all otherwise I would think that she doesn’t like me.” For this guy, there are better ways to get someone’s attention then by trying to make them jealous.  If he sees a girl that is flirting with other guys around them, they will think that she is really not into them, and in turn they might just give up trying.  Who wants a girl that is going to be flirting with others other then you? This guy won’t. You could get his attention by giving him clues that you are interested in them that will catch their attention big time especially if they are interested in you.

If the guy is confident, popular, athletic, etc. chances are he will like the chase, and he will see you making him jealous as a challenge, or a competition. It will give him the chance to prove himself. You showing that you are a hot commodity, and that others are interested in you, and you do not have to settle for him, will make him try harder for your attention. You will be giving him something to prove.

However, with the above thought, it is important that as you make him jealous to get his attention you do it innocently. Like the guy who is not confident, what guy is going to want a girl that will flirt with any and everyone? So, to be a hot commodity innocently, you have to be social, but not give the impression you are playing it. Do not hook up with other guys, just spend time with them. You can flirt, but do not be too touchy feely. This will give the impression you are going to be too much.

So, sure, make him some what jealous. Go out with a lot of guys, have a lot of fun. But, be careful in how you act, and what impression it leaves. If you are dressed really revealing, and you are flirting with every guy around, then you are going to give him the impression that you are skanky, and easy, and not interested in him. However, if you entertain attention from a lot of guys, spend your time in several circles, and look nice, but not trashy, he is going to see you as someone who would be worth pursuing.

If you lay it on too thick, or try too hard to make him jealous, you may have the overkill effect, and instead of turn him on to you, turn him off. So, consider the guy, and play it right, with an air of innocence, and making him just a touch jealous will get his attention.

Have fun!

Long or short hair, which is best?

friends smilingMany girls base their fashion choices off what guys like, but most are not sure whether guys really like long or short hair best. Now you can know.

Question: Long or short hair, which is best?

Answer: Every guy is going to have their preference, and most pretty much like long hair, or at least longer, like not guy short. But, it really just depends on the girl. Some girls look really great with short hair, so long hair would be a shame. However, long hair can be a real asset for other girls.

Long hair is more feminine, and can really help a girl out. However, the rule of thumb is that if it doesn’t help to have long hair, then you are better off with short because it is easier to do, and you will look better if you do your hair, than if you don’t, no matter what length it is.

What looks best on your face? Which do you like better? If long hair is easy for you to manage, and you are going to do it regularly, and keep it healthy, then long hair is the way to go. If it really highlights your facial features, and you look great with it, then long hair is a great option. If you like your hair better long, then keep it long.

However, if you find short hair is easier to manage, that you will do it more often, and make it look better when it is short, then do not go long. If short hair really helps you great jaw line, or cheek bones, or eyes, or whatever stand out, then go with short.

A lot of times, a guy will judge a girl from what they see, so whether the hair is long or short, it just depends if they look good with that cut, color, and length. So, if you can find a length that looks great with your face shape, and your body, lifestyle, etc. then that is the length you should have, and the length guys will like best on you.

There are guys that like short hair better, and there are guys that like long hair better. Most of the time though this is because they like someone, and that person has either short or long hair. You should choose a hair length that is going to give you the most confidence. Confidence, especially self confidence, and confidence in your appearance and ability to attract the opposite sex is a huge part of you looking good. So, if your hair being short gives you more confidence, then guys are going to like you better with short hair. If your hair being long gives you confidence, then guys will like you better with long hair.

Even if a guy thinks he likes long better, he won’t really know with you until you show him. So, experiment, see what you like best, and what reaction you get from him. If you are ready for a change, but do not want to go from long to short, try layers, bangs, or a different color. Guys just like when your hair looks nice. So, even if all you do is stick it up in a pony tail, make it look nice, make it look like you put in some effort.

Just remember, if having long hair does not help your appearance, you are better off with a shorter, more manageable cut. Looking well groomed is a big part of looking good. So, get a cut that you can do, that you feel good in, and that fits your face shape, and guys will like it.friends smiling

How do I know if he likes me, or just wants to get some?

happy teen laying on the floorWhen you start liking a guy, and the relationship starts to develop, many girls wonder if he really likes her, or if he just wants to get some. Let’s get a guys perspective on this question.

Question: How do I know if he likes me, or just wants to get some?

Answer: This is a simple one. The only way to know is to upfront not give them any. If you already have put out some, stop for a while and judge the reaction.

On your first date, do not do anything, not even hold hands, and especially do not give them a kiss. On the second date, maybe hold hands, but do not do anything else. If you start slow, and he is okay with it, and keeps coming back for multiple dates without getting any, then he likes you for you. Do not talk yourself into thinking that he is just interested because you are a challenge, and that after you give him some he will stop liking you. This happens, but in most cases, if he come back for multiple dates without getting some, and keeps coming back for more, he likes you!

Guys do not spend their time and money a girl that they only are interested in getting action from. There are too many other girls out there that will put out, so why would they keep taking you out? Calling you? Hanging out with you? If that was all they wanted?

You have to be confident in yourself though, or he will notice, and then he will not be as attracted to you, and his reasons for being with you could start to change. Insecurity is not an attractive quality.

If you are already giving him some, and you are wondering if he likes you for you, or for the action, then the only thing you can do is to stop things, or at least slow things down and judge his reaction.

If he is cool, still calls, still invites, is fun when you are together, and does not push for action too hard, then you know he likes you for you. He likes the action too, what guy doesn’t? But, he likes you first and foremost. You can’t expect him to stay with you forever with out action though. He is going to think something is wrong if you just cut him off totally, but try a date or two without anything, and see what happens.

If he starts acting pouty, is moody, not fun to be around, or starts being a jerk, then no, he does not really like you, he just wants some. Don’t make excuses for him, or try to chalk it up to a bad day, or a problem at home, etc. If you take action away, and he reacts negatively, face the music, he just wants to get some. If when you spend time together that is not physical, how does he act? Is he as fun, friendly, complimentary, nice, etc.? If not, then you are just some one he uses to get some. But if when you are just hanging out, seeing each other in passing, etc. and he is as cool as when you are together, then he likes you.

Don’t ask, the answer won’t mean anything. A guy that wants some is going to tell you he likes you. If he doesn’t, you will stop putting out.

How can I slow things down without ruining the relationship?

boyfriend and girlfriend relationshipWhen you are in a relationship that is moving too fast, you may be wondering what you can do about it and still preserve the relationship. Now you can get the view from the guy’s perspective.

Question: How can I slow things down without ruining the relationship?

Answer:  Umm, as bad as it sounds, you pretty much can’t. Most guys that are teens want some. That is the main driving purpose behind any relationship, and one of the only reasons they would tie themselves down to one girl. So, chances are, if you are uncomfortable and try to slow things down, he will dump you and find someone that isn’t. But that is not a bad thing. In fact, it is really good for you.

However, this is not true for all relationships. So, if he really likes you, and is not just in it because he likes you and wants to get some, then the only thing you really can do is talk to him about things.

Tell him you like him, like the relationship, and do not want to ruin things, but that you are moving too fast physically and you need to slow things down. Then just judge his reaction. If he is cool with it, he will say so, and you will see him make efforts, like not watching movies together because that is when he wants to do more. He will plan things that are easier for him to resist temptation while doing. Not ruining the relationship is up to him, not you. The truth is, it really depends on his intentions and true motivations. It will be easy to slow things down without ruining the relationship if he really likes you for you, and his motivation for the relationship is not the physical side of things.

But, if he acts irritated, or gets ornery, or keeps trying, then even though he likes you, you need to realize that the foundation for your relationship is weak, and it won’t likely go anywhere because he is mad about not getting some. So, that is when you need to stop caring about ruining the relationship and dump the guy. He can like you for you, and still be dating you to get some. So, do not look at it as an insult, realize that you are attractive and cool enough that he would single you out, but that you do not want to move that fast, and if he is unwilling to stop, he is the one with the problem, not you.

If you don’t dump the guy, he will keep trying things, and you will be uncomfortable and do things you regret, and he will break up with you after he gets what he wants anyway. So, while it sucks, it is true. Most teenage guys do not have long term thoughts when it comes to girls. They may really enjoy your friendship, and like spending time with you, but when they commit to an exclusive relationship it is because they want some and don’t want other guys to have what they are getting.

Quit thinking you are the exception.
The most truthful answer to the question of how to slow things down without the relationship being ruined is simply you can’t. This is not just because of the guy though. If you want to regress, it is going to be hard on both of you to go from doing something to not doing it, it is easy to slip back into old habits, and this is trouble. So, break up. Do not try to salvage things. If it is meant to happen you will get back together and can start over physically.

How can I get him to want me back?

unhappy girlSo, you broke up, and now you want him to want you back, how to get him to want you back from the guy’s perspective.

Question: How can I get him to want me back?

Answer: Well it depends on the reason that he broke it off for.  If it was because you two just don’t get along then you might as well just move on, but if it was for some misunderstanding on an argument it might be worth it for you to try to talk to him.  Sometimes just reminding him how great you are by letting him have a taste of your friendship but not all of it is a good way. If he talks and you two can have a conversation and work it out, good, if not just move on.  It is not worth for you to be stuck on a guy that does not want you.

And, believe it or not, if you do move on, sometimes that is the best way to get him to want you back. Guys really do want what they can’t have. So, if he sees you have moved on and gotten over him, and are dating other guys, his testosterone will flare, and the need to show he is game for competition will spark up. He will want to prove to himself and others that he still has it.

You can’t move on out of his sight though. It has to be visible to him. So, date his best friend. Nothing will make him want you back more than to see you looking great and having fun with his friends, not him. This continued contact, without any relationship will fuel the fire behind that spirit of competition, and the chase will be back on.

However, you have to ignore it! If the first time he goes for you again, you cave and get back together with him, the interest will be gone fast. He will just break up with you again and the intrigue will be lost. If you want him to want you back, you have to play hard to get for a while. Guys like the chase. So, say things like, “Good thing we aren’t together any more, this guy is more fun.” When he gives you some attention, flirt a tiny bit, then turn your focus back to his friend, and ignore his efforts. This will make him crazy. He won’t be able to help but compare his qualities to his friends and wonder why you would choose his friend over him.

Also, if you date his friends, he will not just see, but hear about how great you are. He will start to forget the reasons he broke up with you, and question his manhood. He will start to wonder what it was about him that made you two incompatible, and he will want you back to prove to himself, and his friends that he has still got it.

However, you have to change a few things. If he broke up with you because you bite your nails, stop biting them, get them done, and then show him how you first of all no longer have the thing he hates, but also you have so much more. You have to look good when you are around him. So, get ready, but not so much that it looks like you are making an effort for him, just enough that he sees you and sees how great you look.

Uh oh, friends or boys? What to do when you and your friend like the same guy

Boys have the saying “Bros before Ho’s” and girls sometimes say, “Chicks before dicks” but how often does that really happen? When you and your girlfriend like the same guy, what do you do? Exactly! This is a dilemma a lot of girls face, and it can really tear friendships apart. So, learning what to do when you and your friend like the same guy is going to save you a lot of problems. Your life is probably dramatic enough, you do not need to add to the drama. When you and your friend like the same guy, consider some of the following points:

  • You are going to be forced to make a choice. You are going to go for him, your friend is going to go for him, neither of you are, or both of you are.
  • With your choice comes a consequence, so you need to be prepared to face it. Yes, it is nice to just deal with that when it comes, but if you think ahead you could spare yourself a lot of fighting, gossip, back biting, and pain. So, if you go for him, your friend may be hurt. If your friend goes for him, you might be giving up a chance to date a guy you really like. If you both go for him, your friendship could really be over, especially if he ends up going for one of you two. What will that say to the other one?
  • If you have looked at the consequences you are ready to make a decision about what you want to do. However, you and your friend will want to talk about it. It sounds stupid to discuss who can like the guy, but it is smart. If you want to preserve your friendship, there has to be some boundaries. So, either one of you needs to back down from liking him, and not pursue it, or you both do. Fact is fact, and if you both try to go for him, the fact is one of you will end up hurt. Hurt by him, hurt by each other, hurt!
  • After you make the decision, stick with it. You have to be willing to give up a friendship, or deal with a little jealousy, or whatever. Really though, most of the time it is just a stupid crush, and we all know those come and go. So, chances are you will like someone new in a day or two, and the guy you liked was not worth the drama of making a choice anyway. However, only you can really know how serious you think the possibility of liking this guy could be. You can both test the water a little before deciding, but the problem with that is, you could both like him, and then the situation is even more complicated and difficult. So, before it goes anywhere with either of you, you should determine what to do.
  • When you and your friend talk about it, you might convince each other how great he is, and both end up liking him more, so instead of talking about why you like him, just be clear about how much you like him, and whether or not you see possibility with him, and why you would be ok, or not ok, with her going for him.
  • In the end, he may not go for either of you. But, you do not want some guy who never liked either of you to be a bone of contention in your friendship. And, if he does end up liking one of you, you do not want the other person to feel like a loser, left out, or undesirable. So, when you and your friend like the same guy, if one of you go for him, you will want to make sure that the other girl goes for someone else so that at least you are both enjoying flirting, dating, and the challenge and joy that comes from the mystery of guys.
  • Make him notice you, for the right reasons

    Most girls that like a guy will do all sorts of things to get his attention. Unfortunately, most of the time the things girls do make him notice you for the wrong reasons.

    What most girls do and why it doesn’t work the way they want:

    1. Dress provocatively. This will probably make him notice.your boobs! If you want to get a guy’s attention, dressing scandalously will usually do the trick, but then they notice you for the wrong reasons. Plus, to keep their attention, you will have to keep up the attire.
    2. Flirt with lots of other guys. Most girls seem to think that if they like a guy, they need to flirt with all of his friends. If you have done this, you know what I mean. It is like if his friends notice you, he will too. The problem with this strategy is that he will notice you. He will notice that you are the girl who likes one or more of his buddies, and that you are a big flirt. He probably won’t like you because he will think you like any and everyone. Most guys are attracted to the flirt, and have fun with her, but don’t want much more because she flirts with everyone. So, don’t make him notice you because you bounce from one of his friends to another one of his friends.
    3. Ignore him. The logic behind this is confusing, but it is something to the idea that if you act like he does not exist, he will notice you because it is not often people shun him. The problem is, if you completely ignore him, he will notice you because he thinks you are rude, or stuck up, or out of his league. So, once again, you do not get the results you want.

    What you should be doing to get his attention:

    1. Be yourself. Most people try to be something they are not. You dress a certain way because it is expected, trendy, or hot. You like particular music because that is what is in. You do this or that because your friends do. If you want to get noticed, you need to stand out, one of the best ways to stand out is to simply be yourself. Do not give in to what other people like just because they like it. Listen to what you like, and listen with pride. Wear what makes you happy, and do so with pride. Be yourself, and be proud to be. This does not mean make a huge statement, it just means when the crowd goes one way, and you disagree, don’t be afraid to say so. Chances are, this will get you noticed. And, the great part is that it is the real you that they see and like, not the clone of your friend.
    2. Be fun. If you are involved you will get noticed. Join clubs, run for student office, socialize, play sports, and be fun! The person who is the life of the party always gets noticed. This does not mean that you should make a big scene, or be a class clown, but it means when you are out enjoying yourself, enjoy yourself. Live life to the fullest, and be involved. You will get noticed because you are fun, not because you have big breasts that are protruding from your shirt.
    3. Be nice. If you want him to notice you, being a jerk is not the thing to do. Yeah, the popular crowd are all jerks, and they get a lot of attention, but how many people like them? So, get noticed because you have so many friends, you know everyone’s name, or you are thoughtful. This will mean that when he does notice you, he is attracted to your personality, not your social status.