Why is being needy/clingy a turn off?

Questions: Why is being needy or clingy a turn off?

Answer: Guys like their space, they want to spend time with you, but they don’t want to have to. It seems like girls have a hard time understanding that we can like you and not want to spend all of our time with you at the same time. Basically a needy or clingy girl is the kind of girl that wants to know where we are and what we are doing all of the time. We want to have our freedom still.

Guys like doing stuff with other guys, and they are going to act different around girls then they are around their guy friends. So, if the girl is super needy or clingy, and is always around, it can be hard to hang out with our friends.

We get made fun of for it if our girl friend is needy or clingy. When we hang out with our guy friends, they make whip sounds, and act like we are “ball-less”. Even if they wish they had a girlfriend who cared enough to be clingy, they are still going to make fun of us, and we don’t like it. So, that is another reason we don’t want you to be needy or clingy.

We want to have our personal space and time, and so when a girl is too clingy, even if we totally like you, we don’t want someone who is going to constantly call and text us about nothing. If you call or text us or always are with us, like you are attached at the hip, it can just be annoying. We don’t care if you call us if you have something to say, but we don’t want to have to be with you every second. We want to be independent still, and want you to be as well.

No matter how much we like a girl, if she start “mommying” us, and checking in on us, and insisting on talking to us all day about everything, we get annoyed, and sooner or later, the things we liked about her pale in comparison to how annoying we find the possessiveness.

So, being needy or clingy is a turn off because we still want our own space. We want our friends that are separate from your friends, or our friends. We want to be able to drop you off, and go home and watch the highlights, or play Zelda without having to answer your texts or calls the whole time. As much as we like you, having time away is critical to us, and if you don’t allow it, or infringe on it too much we will likely decide you just aren’t worth it any more.

Find some friends outside of us, get a hobby, and have stuff to do when we aren’t around so that you do not always need us.

What signals do guys give that they like someone?

Questions: What signals do guys give that they like someone?

Answer: We give you extra attention. That is pretty much what it comes down to. We don’t have any secret thing we do if we like you, we just spend more time with you.

Flirting is a part of it, we will probably flirt with you more, and find more opportunities to flirt with you.

More contact and touching. When we like someone, we want to be around them, and we want to touch them. Usually we will touch you more while we talk, we will hug you when we greet, we will put our arm around you, or sit close to you on the couch. Basically we are going to look for opportunities to touch you more. This is not sexual, but we will offer you massages, or we will put our hand on your back when you leave a room before us, or we will stand with our hand on your shoulder, etc. Physical contact is a big indicator that we like you, especially if we are not touching other people as much.

We make an effort to talk to you, and probably tease you more. When we like a girl we try to get to know her better, and get a feel for her feelings for us, so we are going to seek out opportunity to talk to you. This might mean taking a different route to our classes so we walk by you in the hall and have a chance to talk to you. It might mean sitting by you at lunch. In addition to talking, we will probably tease you. That is one of the tools in our flirting arsenal.

Inviting you to do stuff, not necessarily dates, but as part of a group is another thing we will do if we like you. If we like you, we want to make sure you are where we are, but usually we do not want it to be too obvious, so we will invite you to group stuff, or we will make sure you get invited. For example, we might say, “There is a party tonight, maybe I will see you there.” We usually act non-committal as to whether or not we will even be there.

If you are wondering if a guy likes you, it is really not that hard to tell. If he is hanging out with you and is being nice to you, there is a good chance he is interested in some way. If a guy is interested in you, he is going to approach you, spend time with you, etc. He isn’t going to try and be your best friend, per say, but at least find a way to spend time around you. So clue in, if he did not spend much time with you or talking to you before, and he is now, he probably likes you!

What should I do, and not do, to get his attention?

Girls employee all kinds of methods to get a guy’s attention. There is the outgoing approaches, the damsel in distress approach, and a whole lot more. But what approach do guys really like? The following is a question posed by a teen girl, and answered by a teen boy.

Question: What should I do, and more importantly not do, if I want to get his attention?

Answer: Clearly this is going to be different for every guys, but in most cases I would say that the answer is close to the same.

If a girl wants to get a guys attention she has to approach them and talk to them. This is especially true if she is not gorgeous so we have already noticed her.

One thing that I think girls may misunderstand is that a girl doesn’t have to dress skimpy or slutty to get our attention, but you do need to look nice. It is good to highlight your assets, but you do not have to put them on display. It is more of a turn on to see a girl who takes care of herself, and takes time to get ready then a girl who tries to get attention by showing off her body too much. Basically, even though we like to see a girl in a mini-skirt and tube top, that is not going to get our attention in a positive way as well as a girl who is well groomed and looks really nice, wears fashionable clothes, and always looks her best.

What should you not do? Well, the number on turn off is probably when a girl tries to come on to you forcefully. It is good to give us a heads up that you are interested, but don’t be the girl who gets the reputation of throwing herself at guys, we don’t want to date that girl, and we usually don’t like her.

Don’t flirt with our friends, and don’t work too hard at flirting with us either. Be playful in your flirting, but if you are working too hard for it, then it can be a turn off because we don’t want a girl who is obsessed or so desperate to get our attention.

Not too much make up. Make-up is great for covering up zits and making your lashes longer, etc. and we like when a girl is done up, but we don’t necessarily like seeing too much of it. In fact, if a girl is wearing too much make-up it seems like that is what she is about and it is a turn-off.

She should not cuss, burp, fart or be vulgar. While it will get our attention, it is not a positive thing. We have our guys for burping and farting. We want a feminine girl. While we like when you can hold your own with us in sports conversation, and video gaming, we don’t want to hear vulgarities come out of your pretty mouth.

What physical attributes are the most important?

Question: I know as a teen girl, a guy’s teeth are a really important physical attribute, and something I care about a lot. What physical attribute are the most important to guys?

Answer: All of them! Haha, that is the truth in a nutshell, but obviously there are some that are more important to us than others. Most guys have a favorite feature, and that is going to matter to them the most. In general you are either a boob or a butt guy. Besides that one feature we want a girl who looks good. We can overlook bad teeth if she always looks awesome. We can overlook being a little pudgy if she has awesome hair and a great rack. What it boils down to is the package as a whole, but there are things we like a lot.

Boobs are probably the most important for most of us. We want a girl who has a nice chest. B cup or bigger is what we want. If her boobs are too big, she might be kind of fat, and we don’t want that as much, but nice boobs that she shows off a little with lower cut shirts and some cleavage is good.

Butts are also really good. We want one that is nice and perky. The size of the butt depends on the guy, some like big butts, others just want them to be the right shape and tightness. No guys like a saggy butt, or a mom-butt, so perky is best.

Flat stomach is big too. Guys love when a girl has a nice flat sexy stomach. When her shirt rides up and we see a flat, or six-pack stomach that is nice and tan, it really turns us on. We do not even mind a little love handle action as long as your belly is flat and sexy.

Long legs are pretty hot too, or at least a girl who shows her legs off, and they are toned. We like seeing you in short-shorts, and we want to see tanned legs that look like they go forever.

I guess you can tell that one of the physical attributes we like a lot is having tan skin. Something about a tan is just really sexy. It makes everything look better. But, don’t be too tan. Girls that look like a darker race than they are, or whose skin is starting to look like a leather purse are just too tan. A nice golden glow with a dark tint is good.

Long hair is big for most guys too, but only if it is not nappy and gross. We want to see shiny, silky, long hair that is not too long. We want to see it done, and looking healthy. We like when you wear it down and up, but not so much when you wear it all in a knot or messy bun.

What kind of flirting do guys like?

While every teenage boy has varying preferences, in general they all like the same things. The following is a question asked by a teenage girl, and we posed it to a group of teenage boys for the answer.

Question: There are so many different ways to flirt, or to let a guy know we like them, and we want to know what kind of flirting guys like.

Answer: Guys like all flirting, but if you want to know what kind we like best, we can tell you in one word: Playful! Basically, while the sexy come-ons and whispered sweet nothings are well and good, what we really want is a girl to be fun and flirty.

By playful we mean that we want girls who are not too easy to get. We like playing the game. And we want a girl who has it mastered. Give us just enough flirting to get our attention, and then take it away so that we are left wondering if we imagined you like us. Anything that is too blunt or straightforward has a negative effect. A girl who walks up to us, brushes up against us, laughs at our jokes, touches our arm while she is talking, and winks as she walks away is enticing and mysterious to us. A girl who walks up and says, “I put out, so you should date me.” Is too obvious, and not nearly as attractive. Even if both girls are going to put out the same, and be the same as far as how fun they are goes, etc. we want the game.

So what are some examples of playful flirting? Well, let’s say we are watching a movie with a group of people, we want you to come over and sit by us, even if you have to squeeze in between other people. Take control, be confident, and funny about it. We also love massages. Don’t massage everyone or it is not flirting. If we are hanging out, and sitting around talking, get behind us and give us a back massage. It is nice of you, it provides that physical contact that is such a big part of flirting, and while it is sort of an intimate act, it is also something you can do for your sister, dad, or friend, so it is not too much. Another great thing you can do is just touch us while we are talking. You can swat at us and laugh at our joke, put your hand on our arm when we meet, put your arm around us, or even just rub up against us when we are standing around. The subtle arms brushing is really good. Jump on our back and have us give you piggy-back rides, or bump us with your hip to knock us over. All of that is good.

Playful flirting involves being fun. It means you have to get into what we are into. You might flirt with us by talking trash (playfully of course) while you play us in one on one basket ball, or playing mario kart on the wii, or something. The idea is to get us interested with fun, playful flirting that is not too forward.

What do you want in a girl?

The male mind is a complex, but simple machine. Teen girls tend to give males more credit than is due. This is why so many teen girls wonder about what guys want in girls, etc. So, stop wondering. Teen girls ask, and teen boys answer.

Question: What do you want in a girl?

Answer: Every guy has a slightly different version of this, but they almost all come down to the same thing.  We want someone who is gorgeous and fun. But let’s get a little more specific.

As a person, we want someone we can take home to the parents, that they will love, but that I can take out with my friends too. She has to fit in either way. The guys have to like her, and be okay with her tagging along when we all hang out, but my parents have to like her too. She has to be someone who can be the prom date, and the study buddy.

Physically: Athletic, but knows how to dress up and look great. She has to have a figure, and look good when we want to go out on the town. Basically we like long legs, big boots, a nice rear, and a flat stomach. We want a girl to like four wheeling, long boarding, going to the beach, playing volleyball, and wrestling around, but we also want them to wear make-up, dress fashionably, and be able to wear high heels.

Mentally: She has to be able to hold her own in a conversation, but not be dominating. We don’t want to be talked over too much, or be outdone. Basically we want you to be smart, but we want to be smarter. No guy likes feeling dumb, and we will if you are too much smarter than us, or correct us, and stuff. So, if you want to be the girl we like, be common sense smart, but not so book smart that it is nerdy, and NEVER correct our facts or our grammar, especially not in front of our friends.

Emotionally: Stability is important. I do not want someone who is emotional all of the time. I mean, if your Grandma dies, I will be your shoulder to cry on, but if your dog dies, really? Instead, realize that guys do not really talk about feelings, and we don’t particularly like hearing about them all the time either. Share, but don’t over-share. Big turn-off!

Besides being physically attractive, the number one thing we want is for you to be happy about you. She has to have confidence. Confidence is sexy. A girl who isn’t confident in her self is not going to score very high on our card. We can’t stand a girl who needs constant reassurance that she is great, we want someone who knows she is great.

Is the way to a man’s heart really through his stomach?

There is an age old saying that goes, “The way to a man’s heart is his stomach.” But teenage girls want this saying put to the test, so we asked some teen boys if this is the case. Will food help you like a girl more? Will her baking you cookies, or bringing you treats make you like her more?

Answer: No, not really, I mean we like cookies and stuff, but most teenage boys aren’t that worried about whether or not a girl can cook, or what food she brings us. I mean our idea of a great lunch tends to be a Bib Mac meal. More than someone who can cook, we really want a girl who has the same interest, that we can take to a football game, or hang out with the boys with.  If she happens to bring great chicken to the Superbowl party, or cookies to poker night, great, but that is not a deal breaker, or a deal maker for us.

This doesn’t mean a girl should never appeal to our appetites, literally. Making cookies or brownies or something for us is great. It is nice, a good gesture, like it is a good way to get some attention, but there has to be more to you than being able to bake. No guy is going to like a girl just because she makes a good meal or dessert. We have to have something more superficial to be attracted to. You have to be pretty. You have to look good. You have to be a lot of fun. Pretty much in that order.

If you want the truth of the matter, the way to a man’s heart is through is eyes. Be physically attractive and it will serve you far better than being a good baker. If you are overweight, or something, having skills that are going to benefit us can’t hurt, but it usually won’t make us like you for that alone. You would have to make some pretty incredible food if you want us to look past a physical flaw. We are shallow. So, always do your hair, always dress good. Wear heels, or cute strappy shoes. We tend to like more feminine dressing, mixed with a girl that can hold her own with the guys. In other words, while we like baked goods, we prefer the girl who looks like a model, and acts like one of the guys. We may not be realists, but that doesn’t keep us from wanting a chick who is drop dead gorgeous, but willing to wrestle, get dirty, talk sports, and hang out with our friends without complaint.

If you love to bake, go ahead and share the love, but don’t think that it will win you any real favors in our sights, at least not alone!

If I am not gorgeous, what can I do to get your attention?

Teen girls are often insecure about their looks, and the main reason is because boys are superficial in nature, and tend to like the pretty girls first and foremost. So, this brings up a common question amongst teen girls, if you aren’t the pretty girl, or one of the most attractive girls at your school, or wherever, what other options do you have to get a guy’s attention. The following is the question asked by a teen girl, with the answer from a teen boy.

Question: If I am not gorgeous, and not the prettiest one in my group, what can I do to get your attention?

Answer: We are obviously going to go for the pretty girls because that is what we are initially attracted to. So, if you are not gorgeous, you still have to do something to look good. If you are over weight, or have acne, or something that is detracting from your looks, make sure you draw the attention away from that and toward what you do have to offer. So, always get ready. You will want to do  your hair, and make sure you look as good as you can with the help of products and make-up because if you aren’t naturally gorgeous you have to help your cause.

It helps if you dress sort of sexy, because guys like dirty. While personality matters, we are more likely to go for the slutty fat girl than the funny fat girl. It is just the way it is. So, if you face or body don’t do much to recommend you alone, play up your good parts to catch our attention. For us teenage boys, there really is no such thing as too much cleavage, or midriff, or leg. Show some skin to get our attention or the girl who is pretty is going to get it. That does not necessarily mean you have to put out, but it does mean you have to get our attention in another way.

Funny girls are good too, but you do not want to be funny as a crutch either. If all you have to recommend you is that you are funny, we probably won’t ever go for you. We might hang out with you, but not in a way that is dating, etc. So, be funny, and someone who is always looking stylish etc.

Being outgoing and cool will eventually get our attention. It is going to take some time because that instant physical attraction is not going to be there. Give us something else to be attracted to, like a great personality, and be patient and persistent until we notice it. A good way to help us notice your personality if you aren’t really pretty is to just be really involved. Get involved, do pep rallies, powder puff football, etc. so that we see you a lot, and take notice of you because of the sheer number of times we hear about you or see you around.

How much perfume is too much?

The mystery of teen boys is one most teen girls would like solved. While we can’t help you understand them in their entirety, we can help you with the answer to some questions. The following is a question posed by a teen girl, and answered by teen boys.

Question: I like wearing perfume or body spray, and I know guys like it when girls smell good, but how much perfume is too much?

Answer: Well this is a tough one because it really depends on the perfume you are wearing. If it is some musky smelling crap, any is too much, but if it is something we like, such as Love Spell, or Vanilla, then you could be drenched in it and we probably would not complain. Of course this is metaphorically speaking, we don’t actually want you to be drenched in it.

A good rule of thumb is that if someone can smell it more than a couple feet away, then it is too much. Obviously if we like it we don’t mind a little more, but if you aren’t sure, we say don’t put on too much.  Subtle can be better. For example, if we give you a hug, and get a whiff of something that smells really good, we are going to want to be close to you more often, and smell you again. It is going to grab our attention, and it will feel more personal, like it is for us, not for everyone. We like that because we have egos, we want to feel like it is special just for us.

It might be better to wear body spray over perfume, since it is not as strong that way we don’t get assaulted by a smell. Also, we don’t really like anything too flowery, or too sweet. We want you to smell like a female, but not like a candy shop. We also don’t really like anything too musky, as it kind of smells trashy.

Also, don’t change up your smell too often. We kind of like when a girl has a signature scent, when we can count on her smelling a certain way. For example, you might smell like strawberries because of the shampoo you use, or like caramel because of the coffee you drink. So, keep that in mind when choosing your scent too, because we don’t want a mix or too many conflicting smells. If you use a love spell body spray, for example, you probably want to use the same scent of lotion too. If you have a strong smelling deodorant, a strong smelling lotion, a strong smelling shampoo, are chewing gum, and have perfume on it is just too many smells. So pick something and stick with it.

As a guy, we just want someone that looks and smells good, but our opinion of the best smell changes from guy to guy. So, if you want to impress the guy you like, just ask him what scent he likes the best. If he doesn’t have a preference he will probably tell you, but if he does, wear that!

How can I break up with you and still be able to date your friends?

Teenage girls are full of questions about boys, and now they can get some answers. The following is the answer from a teenage boy perspective to the question: How can I break up with you and still be able to date your friends?

Question: How can I break up with you and still be able to date your friends?

Answer: You can’t. Boys are pretty territorial, and whether he dumps you, or you dump him, friends of the guy are off limits. We know it is a double standard, but we can date your friends, and you are just going to have to live with it, but you can’t date ours, at least not for a LONG time. So, don’t bother trying to figure out a way to date our friends after breaking up with us. You can’t! It is kind of like a boy rule that once you have dated one, you can’t date others.

Simply puy: We get to date all of your friends, but you can’t date ours.

Why? There is no real logic to it other than we call it the “no leftover policy.” Most guys do not want to be compared to their friends when it comes to how good a kisser they are, or what kind of boyfriend they are. They also do not want to be called out for taking someone else’s “sloppy seconds.” Whether you dump him or he dumps you does not have any bearing on whether or not it is okay to date his friends.

So, what can you do if you are really interested in his friends? Wait. The best remedy for it is to break up in a congenial manner so that there is not a lot of trash talking going on. You don’t want him trash talking you to his friends, or they might not be interested in you. Then wait until he has found someone new, or at least 6 months to a year has passed since you two dated. If you can keep a friendship going, then you give everyone enough time to think of you more as a friend then as someone else’s girlfriend, ex or otherwise.

If you stay friends, and there is a 6 month time gap or a year or so, you can then date our friends, but you have to give us time to find someone new. No guy wants to be dumped for his friends. No guys is going to be okay with having you tell him without words that his friend is better than him. So, once he has a new girl friend, or is at least dating a lot and getting a lot of girls interested in him, he won’t care as much if you date his friends, and his friends won’t be as worried about how he will react.

The biggest thing to remember is that guys put guys first most of the time, and if you dump him, his friends will consider it a treasonous act to date you.